I have borderline personality disorder (BPD). AMA, please.
- Thread starter patorick2010
- Start date
-
We had an issue with background services between march 10th and 15th or there about. This meant the payment services were not linking to automatic upgrades. If you paid for premium membership and are still seeing ads please let me know and the email you used against PayPal and I cam manually verify and upgrade your account.
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/3tzxl2/anyone_feel_like_they_make_others_uncomfortable/
Even if I barely know someone, it feels like I'm constantly plotting on how to keep them close to me.
I am so afraid of rejection and being hurt. I want to be honest but not too honest too soon.
I need to chill the f-word out with this **** because people totally pick up on my neediness and it scares them off.
I am desperate, sad and lonely. Even when I'm not I feel that I am.
I am always so eager to give my whole self over to people in the hopes I'll get something back and I think often it overwhelms them/freaks them out. And building the relationship up to this special connection because we've had one good conversation or something.
I expect too much from people I get close with, too tolerate me and understand me all at once. No matter what they are feeling or going through themselves. I have too respect your boundaries, personal space and privacy. Just because you are a caring person doesn't mean you always have to be nice too me, especially if I obsessively attach myself to you in the desperate and needy search for validation. And if I make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I have to be more aware and understanding of this.
Most people want to be there for me and for me to be well. But I can't rely on their positive energy and good will. I have to take more responsibility for my mental, physical and spiritual health and be a better person. Someone you can feel safe to hang out with and not obligated to communicate with. More easy, comfortable, less attached, less obsessed and less morally judgmental.
Even if I barely know someone, it feels like I'm constantly plotting on how to keep them close to me.
I am so afraid of rejection and being hurt. I want to be honest but not too honest too soon.
I need to chill the f-word out with this **** because people totally pick up on my neediness and it scares them off.
I am desperate, sad and lonely. Even when I'm not I feel that I am.
I am always so eager to give my whole self over to people in the hopes I'll get something back and I think often it overwhelms them/freaks them out. And building the relationship up to this special connection because we've had one good conversation or something.
I expect too much from people I get close with, too tolerate me and understand me all at once. No matter what they are feeling or going through themselves. I have too respect your boundaries, personal space and privacy. Just because you are a caring person doesn't mean you always have to be nice too me, especially if I obsessively attach myself to you in the desperate and needy search for validation. And if I make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I have to be more aware and understanding of this.
Most people want to be there for me and for me to be well. But I can't rely on their positive energy and good will. I have to take more responsibility for my mental, physical and spiritual health and be a better person. Someone you can feel safe to hang out with and not obligated to communicate with. More easy, comfortable, less attached, less obsessed and less morally judgmental.
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
'How to' recover from BPD
http://insidethebordreline.blogspot.com.au/2016/09/how-to-recover-from-bpd.html
Posted by Vickie Harley at 05:02
Wednesday, 14 September 2016
Hi everyone.
So lately a lot of people have been asking me 'how' I recovered from bpd. This question is very problematic for me, because there is no way to just recover from bpd, or any other mental illness of this ilk. Its not a case of simply doing one little thing and waking up one day shiny, clean and ready to lead a new life. Recovering from bpd is a life long process which requires you to push yourself to your limits, confront your demons and shed blood, sweat and tears.
I think the reason that a lot of people suffering from this illness want to know 'how to' recover is because when we are extremely low and in the plight of suffering, we want a quick fix. When you are in these depths, its impossible to see a way out and especially impossible to see a long term path. This is why we turn to impulsive behaviours, substance abuse, self harm and even suicide. But these quick fixes are detrimental in the long term, and its all about seeing things in the long term rather than in the now and in the past. But how do you get to the point where you can see things in the long term and stop turning to short term fixes?
You need to learn to love yourself. And to do that, you need to tell yourself that you deserve better than short term fixes. You deserve better than people who don't believe in you, you deserve better than telling yourself you're a piece of **** everyday, and you deserve to believe that you can one day recover from this illness and live a happy, healthy life.
I honestly believe that the key to recovering from an illness like bpd is the notion of deserving it. Because from telling yourself you deserve it, you are validating yourself. You are telling yourself that you are worth it, and therefore are taking the first steps into developing a healthy self esteem and self love. Recovery doesn't go hand in hand with self depreciation, negativity and self harming behaviours. You can't get better if you still continue in a cycle of destruction. The only way to get better is to get out of that cycle, and you can do this by telling yourself that you are worth more than it.
Of course, this does not just happen overnight, and its impossible for me to tell you one set way of breaking this cycle. For me, I think that the healthy, positive and loving skills I learned in DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) became embedded in my subconscious, until one day I realised that I had been slowly beginning to use them, and gradually beginning to change my interests, desires and beliefs about myself. I then reached the point where I realised that this therapy wasn't bull**** and that it had been working for me all along. And that the reason I stuck it out was because I had always had that tiny bit of faith and belief in myself all along, and DBT was helping it to blossom.
Another key factor in all of this is yourself. There is no one else who can help you in recovering, and you have to be at the right place in your life to begin the process. It doesn't matter how many loving and positive people you have around you, or how many amazing therapists and doctors you've been to see. If you don't begin to see that you deserve to get better, then it will never happen. You have to break the cycle of self harm, negativity and self depreciation in order for all of this to begin. Other people can be your inspiration, eg. your children, your partner, your parents, but if you don't take that first step then it will not happen for you.
I am living, breathing and loving proof that you can recover from bpd. It is not a death sentence, it is not a 'made up' illness and it does not mean you are horrible and dangerous to be around. You can recover from it, you just need to believe in yourself first.
http://insidethebordreline.blogspot.com.au/2016/09/how-to-recover-from-bpd.html
Posted by Vickie Harley at 05:02
Wednesday, 14 September 2016
Hi everyone.
So lately a lot of people have been asking me 'how' I recovered from bpd. This question is very problematic for me, because there is no way to just recover from bpd, or any other mental illness of this ilk. Its not a case of simply doing one little thing and waking up one day shiny, clean and ready to lead a new life. Recovering from bpd is a life long process which requires you to push yourself to your limits, confront your demons and shed blood, sweat and tears.
I think the reason that a lot of people suffering from this illness want to know 'how to' recover is because when we are extremely low and in the plight of suffering, we want a quick fix. When you are in these depths, its impossible to see a way out and especially impossible to see a long term path. This is why we turn to impulsive behaviours, substance abuse, self harm and even suicide. But these quick fixes are detrimental in the long term, and its all about seeing things in the long term rather than in the now and in the past. But how do you get to the point where you can see things in the long term and stop turning to short term fixes?
You need to learn to love yourself. And to do that, you need to tell yourself that you deserve better than short term fixes. You deserve better than people who don't believe in you, you deserve better than telling yourself you're a piece of **** everyday, and you deserve to believe that you can one day recover from this illness and live a happy, healthy life.
I honestly believe that the key to recovering from an illness like bpd is the notion of deserving it. Because from telling yourself you deserve it, you are validating yourself. You are telling yourself that you are worth it, and therefore are taking the first steps into developing a healthy self esteem and self love. Recovery doesn't go hand in hand with self depreciation, negativity and self harming behaviours. You can't get better if you still continue in a cycle of destruction. The only way to get better is to get out of that cycle, and you can do this by telling yourself that you are worth more than it.
Of course, this does not just happen overnight, and its impossible for me to tell you one set way of breaking this cycle. For me, I think that the healthy, positive and loving skills I learned in DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) became embedded in my subconscious, until one day I realised that I had been slowly beginning to use them, and gradually beginning to change my interests, desires and beliefs about myself. I then reached the point where I realised that this therapy wasn't bull**** and that it had been working for me all along. And that the reason I stuck it out was because I had always had that tiny bit of faith and belief in myself all along, and DBT was helping it to blossom.
Another key factor in all of this is yourself. There is no one else who can help you in recovering, and you have to be at the right place in your life to begin the process. It doesn't matter how many loving and positive people you have around you, or how many amazing therapists and doctors you've been to see. If you don't begin to see that you deserve to get better, then it will never happen. You have to break the cycle of self harm, negativity and self depreciation in order for all of this to begin. Other people can be your inspiration, eg. your children, your partner, your parents, but if you don't take that first step then it will not happen for you.
I am living, breathing and loving proof that you can recover from bpd. It is not a death sentence, it is not a 'made up' illness and it does not mean you are horrible and dangerous to be around. You can recover from it, you just need to believe in yourself first.
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
patorick2010
Mr BPD
Understanding Borderline Suicides
http://www.tara4bpd.org/new-page-16/
BPD has a suicide rate of 10%. People with BPD are in constant emotional pain, pain so severe that it is often unbearable. Suicide attempts are often maladaptive efforts to make the pain stop and are not wishes to die. Unfortunately if someone doesn't come along and rescue them, they may succeed.
Suicide is a risk for people suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) that must always be taken seriously. One in ten sufferers of BPD dies by suicide. The BPD suicide rate is similar to that for patients with Schizophrenia and major mood disorder. However, Schizophrenia makes up 1% of the general population while BPD affects 2-3 % of the general population. The rate of BPD suicide is therefore 2-3 times greater than that of schizophrenia. This sad outcome is not readily preventable and usually does not occur when the person is in treatment but when the patient does not recover and/or treatment has been unsuccessful. Many BPD deaths may be related to co-morbid conditions such as substance abuse, eating disorders, or impulsive sex leading to diseases such as AIDES.
The intensity of suicidality amongst patients with BPD varies over time. When people with BPD are acutely suicidal, they may appear to meet criteria for a major depressive episode. The affective or mood symptoms of people with BPD are different from those of people with mood disorders which may explain why they do not respond to antidepressants in the same way as people with depression. People with BPD seem to suffer from early onset dysthmia, a state of always being "blue."
People with this disorder are acutely sensitive, particularly to what they consider as painful. They do not have the ability or skills to tolerate this pain in the moment. Suicide attempts by people with BPD can best be understood as an impulsive response to severe emotional pain or a way of communicating distress. The object of this communication is usually a significant other, family member or a therapist. Suicide threats therefore indicate an attachment and involvement with others. Suicide completion may be associated with a loss of connection to others.
Unfortunately, hospitalizing someone with BPD after a suicide attempt is generally not effective and is no assurance that another attempt will not be made. Once hospitalization is introduced, suicide attempts and admissions can become repetitive with patients embarking on a "suicidal rescue career." If the person is suicidal after discharge, what has been accomplished by the hospitalization? When people with BPD are hospitalized for suicide attempts, they enter an environment that reinforces dependence, the very behaviors that therapy is trying to extinguish.
In addition, loved ones generally respond with attention and concern, resulting in a secondary gain that reinforces negative or harmful behaviors. Hospitalization may also provide social contact for persons with BPD who have poor social support. The BPD person generally receives more nursing care than other patients. Marsha Linehan, PhD, discourages the admission of BPD patients to hospitals after suicide attempts.
When a loved one has made a suicide attempt, it is excruciatingly difficult for families to accept that hospitalization can often be ineffective and counter-productive. Families feel it is their role to keep their children or spouses safe. How can not admitting them to a hospital in this frightening emergency situation be appropriate? A family we know has hospitalized their young daughter for 15 months because of an impulsive suicide attempt.
People with BPD need to learn to live and to tolerate their pain. The communicative function of suicidality needs to be understood by therapist and by family. It is a problem to be solved and should not be reinforced negatively. For this reason families must be informed of the rationale behind the treatment and be educated about management of the situation so that they can cooperate with therapy. It is extremely hard to tell a family member that they must endure their loved one's suicidality. Family relationships may becomes "coercive bondage" as the quality of the person's life becomes compromised by overzealous family concern. The family needs support, especially at these times. Ultimately, therapy must help people with BPD to tolerate their pain and find means to solve their problems. A patient with BPD states" When a therapist does not give the expected response to a suicide attempt or threat, they will be accused of not caring. But, what you are really doing is being cruel to be kind. When my doctor wouldn't hospitalize me, I accused him of not caring if I lived or died. He replied, referring to my cycle of repeated hospitalizations, "This is not life!" And, he was 100% right."
Sadly, some people with BPD people need to be suicidal. When they feel they have no power over their life, they retain the choice of death. They may remain suicidal until they feel can control their fate or their lives. The knowledge that they can choose to die allows them to go on living.
Linehan has recommends dealing with suicide as the first priority in a therapy session. The person cannot discuss other issues until this issue is dealt with, thus negatively reinforcing suicidal ideation. Clinicians and families need to respond to suicidal thoughts empathetically while avoiding overly anxious questions about intent. The following type of response may be most appropriate, "you must be feeling particularly upset to be thinking along these lines. Let's figure out what is making things worse and see if we can find a way of dealing with the problem."
The more we understand the suicide attempts of people with BPD, the better we will be able to prevent these unnecessary deaths.
http://www.tara4bpd.org/new-page-16/
BPD has a suicide rate of 10%. People with BPD are in constant emotional pain, pain so severe that it is often unbearable. Suicide attempts are often maladaptive efforts to make the pain stop and are not wishes to die. Unfortunately if someone doesn't come along and rescue them, they may succeed.
Suicide is a risk for people suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) that must always be taken seriously. One in ten sufferers of BPD dies by suicide. The BPD suicide rate is similar to that for patients with Schizophrenia and major mood disorder. However, Schizophrenia makes up 1% of the general population while BPD affects 2-3 % of the general population. The rate of BPD suicide is therefore 2-3 times greater than that of schizophrenia. This sad outcome is not readily preventable and usually does not occur when the person is in treatment but when the patient does not recover and/or treatment has been unsuccessful. Many BPD deaths may be related to co-morbid conditions such as substance abuse, eating disorders, or impulsive sex leading to diseases such as AIDES.
The intensity of suicidality amongst patients with BPD varies over time. When people with BPD are acutely suicidal, they may appear to meet criteria for a major depressive episode. The affective or mood symptoms of people with BPD are different from those of people with mood disorders which may explain why they do not respond to antidepressants in the same way as people with depression. People with BPD seem to suffer from early onset dysthmia, a state of always being "blue."
People with this disorder are acutely sensitive, particularly to what they consider as painful. They do not have the ability or skills to tolerate this pain in the moment. Suicide attempts by people with BPD can best be understood as an impulsive response to severe emotional pain or a way of communicating distress. The object of this communication is usually a significant other, family member or a therapist. Suicide threats therefore indicate an attachment and involvement with others. Suicide completion may be associated with a loss of connection to others.
Unfortunately, hospitalizing someone with BPD after a suicide attempt is generally not effective and is no assurance that another attempt will not be made. Once hospitalization is introduced, suicide attempts and admissions can become repetitive with patients embarking on a "suicidal rescue career." If the person is suicidal after discharge, what has been accomplished by the hospitalization? When people with BPD are hospitalized for suicide attempts, they enter an environment that reinforces dependence, the very behaviors that therapy is trying to extinguish.
In addition, loved ones generally respond with attention and concern, resulting in a secondary gain that reinforces negative or harmful behaviors. Hospitalization may also provide social contact for persons with BPD who have poor social support. The BPD person generally receives more nursing care than other patients. Marsha Linehan, PhD, discourages the admission of BPD patients to hospitals after suicide attempts.
When a loved one has made a suicide attempt, it is excruciatingly difficult for families to accept that hospitalization can often be ineffective and counter-productive. Families feel it is their role to keep their children or spouses safe. How can not admitting them to a hospital in this frightening emergency situation be appropriate? A family we know has hospitalized their young daughter for 15 months because of an impulsive suicide attempt.
People with BPD need to learn to live and to tolerate their pain. The communicative function of suicidality needs to be understood by therapist and by family. It is a problem to be solved and should not be reinforced negatively. For this reason families must be informed of the rationale behind the treatment and be educated about management of the situation so that they can cooperate with therapy. It is extremely hard to tell a family member that they must endure their loved one's suicidality. Family relationships may becomes "coercive bondage" as the quality of the person's life becomes compromised by overzealous family concern. The family needs support, especially at these times. Ultimately, therapy must help people with BPD to tolerate their pain and find means to solve their problems. A patient with BPD states" When a therapist does not give the expected response to a suicide attempt or threat, they will be accused of not caring. But, what you are really doing is being cruel to be kind. When my doctor wouldn't hospitalize me, I accused him of not caring if I lived or died. He replied, referring to my cycle of repeated hospitalizations, "This is not life!" And, he was 100% right."
Sadly, some people with BPD people need to be suicidal. When they feel they have no power over their life, they retain the choice of death. They may remain suicidal until they feel can control their fate or their lives. The knowledge that they can choose to die allows them to go on living.
Linehan has recommends dealing with suicide as the first priority in a therapy session. The person cannot discuss other issues until this issue is dealt with, thus negatively reinforcing suicidal ideation. Clinicians and families need to respond to suicidal thoughts empathetically while avoiding overly anxious questions about intent. The following type of response may be most appropriate, "you must be feeling particularly upset to be thinking along these lines. Let's figure out what is making things worse and see if we can find a way of dealing with the problem."
The more we understand the suicide attempts of people with BPD, the better we will be able to prevent these unnecessary deaths.
Hi @patorick2010 I quite like this thread but I have to say I don't read a great deal of it.
Are you trying to develop a resource for BPD sufferers/their loved ones?
If you are trying to engage with other fans then I would love to see your thoughts on how the team is going, ie, see you posting in all the other threads.
You are part of our community and it is a Manly community after all so let rip, online is one area where (maybe) you can express yourself!?
In any case don't take this the wrong way, although from what you've published already you probably will!!
Go Manly, and go Silvertails*
*including persons with a disability, persons with a mental condition, persons with drug and alcohol dependence, persons who are racist and sexist (not by choice but just our upbringing), persons who are not fit to appear in public, etc .
Let's face it, most who regularly post on an online fan forum have issues of one sort or another, lol
Favourite player - Jake Trbojevic, favourite all-time, C Lyons
Are you trying to develop a resource for BPD sufferers/their loved ones?
If you are trying to engage with other fans then I would love to see your thoughts on how the team is going, ie, see you posting in all the other threads.
You are part of our community and it is a Manly community after all so let rip, online is one area where (maybe) you can express yourself!?
In any case don't take this the wrong way, although from what you've published already you probably will!!
Go Manly, and go Silvertails*
*including persons with a disability, persons with a mental condition, persons with drug and alcohol dependence, persons who are racist and sexist (not by choice but just our upbringing), persons who are not fit to appear in public, etc .
Let's face it, most who regularly post on an online fan forum have issues of one sort or another, lol
Favourite player - Jake Trbojevic, favourite all-time, C Lyons
patorick2010
Mr BPD
Just trying to make people more understanding of BPD. Part of it is resources for sufferers and their loved ones, but also people in general some of whom are very unaware what BPD is.
I haven't really posted much in other threads this year, mainly just liking the posts I agree with. I take your point though about it being a Manly community and will try to post in the RL forum more.
Favorite player at the moment changes week to week, but I'm really liking the attitude and spirit of the team this year. Nate Myles in particular has really impressed and inspired me with his effort and attitude this year. The Trbojevics go without saying, DCE and Dylan Walker have been playing pretty good too.
All time? Either Watmough, Glenn Stewart, Brent Kite, Jason King, Kosef, Menzies or Daniel Gartner. Ivan Cleary too, was very upset when he left for Norths and never came back. Oh well.
Later,
Pat,
haha I wasn't intending to harass you into posting, lol
On that night I'd found a half bottle of wine that needed to be finished ...anyway it occurred to me that you may actually be one of our more literate members (!) so your comments on run-of-the-mill footy stuff would probably be as interesting as any others, (lol, on the other hand that is not necessarily saying a lot
)
On that night I'd found a half bottle of wine that needed to be finished ...anyway it occurred to me that you may actually be one of our more literate members (!) so your comments on run-of-the-mill footy stuff would probably be as interesting as any others, (lol, on the other hand that is not necessarily saying a lot
)
patorick2010
Mr BPD
| Team | P | W | L | PD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
7 | 6 | 1 | 99 | 14 |
|
7 | 6 | 1 | 54 | 14 |
|
7 | 5 | 2 | 36 | 12 |
|
8 | 5 | 2 | 39 | 11 |
|
8 | 5 | 3 | 64 | 10 |
|
7 | 4 | 3 | 49 | 10 |
|
8 | 4 | 4 | 73 | 8 |
|
7 | 3 | 4 | 17 | 8 |
|
8 | 4 | 4 | -14 | 8 |
|
8 | 4 | 4 | -16 | 8 |
|
8 | 4 | 4 | -60 | 8 |
|
8 | 3 | 4 | 17 | 7 |
|
8 | 3 | 5 | -25 | 6 |
|
7 | 2 | 5 | -55 | 6 |
|
8 | 3 | 5 | -55 | 6 |
|
7 | 1 | 6 | -87 | 4 |
|
7 | 1 | 6 | -136 | 4 |
