Dear Mr Seibold,
Welcome back to our club.
We hope you have a most successful stay here. A few words of advice:
Don't get Manly people as your assistants, fitness, or recruitment people. There are too many agendas at the club and it's possible you'll accidentally takes sides where you didn't know there were sides.
In that vein, don't tread on anyone's toes. The best way to do this is to stay in your office except when you're at games or on the training field. If the powers that be come near you in these circumstances, take a step back. If they keep advancing, run. Anything to avoid stepping on toes.
We have a Centre of Excellence. Don't laugh when they show it to you.
Keep Tom Trbojoevic healthy. He's the No.1 and will win games for you if you can't think of anything else. You might think this is easy but it is not. Moving in with him may avoid some of the injuries (don't let him go to the bathroom on his own), as would handcuffing yourself to him so he doesn't just launch into a sprint on the Corso. What happens to him on the field though is your biggest problem here. You may have to think about an on field sub, like a runner in cricket so he doesn't have to stretch his legs too much. And you might think about a Do Not Tackle sign around his neck.
Speaking of necks. Your captain is DCE. Good luck with that.
You've also got a bit of a hotbed of religious fervour about so maybe don't mention God. No 'oh my God', 'what in God's name did you think you were doing' or even 'Jesus ****ing Christ' is not a good idea.
Don't waste your time introducing yourself to the CEO. His name is Tony Mestrov this week but it will be something else next week. And the week after and the week after that.
Win games. Win all the games.
Repeat after me .... 'yes Mr Penn! No Mr Penn! Three bags full Mr Penn!!'
That'll do you for now.
Off you trot then.
Yours in dedication until it all goes wrong,
Budgie
