Kieran Foran often wonders how his life would be different if he hadn’t left Manly.
The young superstar seemed to have the world at his feet when he joined Parramatta in 2016.
Then the world he thought he knew vanished.
“I was a young man out of control,” Foran said. “I was going to fall off the cliff at some point.”
Gambling problems. Alcohol issues. A suicide attempt. Crippling injuries.
“For me, my world got ripped up and turned upside down and I have spent the last six years rebuilding that,” Foran said.
The fact he’s back at Manly helping leading an unlikely premiership charge is one of the NRL’s great comeback stories.
“Having been through what I’ve been through, I have learnt what highs and lows look like, what resilience looks like, what pain feels like, what happiness feels like,” Foran said.
In a revealing interview, the five-eighth opens up about his off-field problems, his horrific injury toll, and his emotional connection with the man who saved his career, Des Hasler.
REGRETS, I’VE HAD A FEW
Foran quit Manly after 2015 as his once tightly bonded team began to splinter apart.
“Do I wish I never left?” Foran asked.
“I often think about that these days. My answer is simple: My rugby league career may have looked differently had I stayed, maybe I don’t have the injuries and I don’t have the lows.
“But I genuinely believe I’m a far better man and far better person for having left.
“I shouldn’t say better – let me reword that. The journey that I’ve been on since leaving has helped me develop into the man that I want to become. I have faced far bigger changes through leaving than had I stayed.
“If I don’t leave then I’m living on the northern beaches, where I grew up, I’m still around the same people in the same world. I’m growing up in age but I faced what I have faced because I left.
“If you think about what I have had to endure since the day I walked out of Manly’s door for Parramatta … I went through horrific challenges off the field there, multiple challenges, to the point where I walked away from rugby league.
“After a short stint out of the game, I spent a year at the Warriors and the challenges I faced with trying to play footy plus be a father to two kids in Sydney, back and forth, injury challenges. Then you sign at Canterbury under Des Hasler and he is sacked.
“Had I stayed at Manly, I wouldn’t have the amount of depth I’ve got now in my life. Having been through what I’ve been through, I have learnt what highs and lows look like, what resilience looks like, what pain feels like, what happiness feels like.
“Those things have helped me to get to this point now where I’m hungrier than ever and I’m stronger than ever as a footballer and as a man. I know what I want in life and I know how I want my life to look. It’s been a hell of a ride.”
PERSONAL ISSUES
Foran was appointed Eels captain in 2016 despite never having played for the club.
But in April he was rushed to hospital after overdosing on prescription medication in what he later revealed was a suicide attempt. He was struggling with gambling and alcohol issues and a relationship breakdown.
“I was a young man with no boundaries,” he said. “I shouldn’t say that. I was a young man out of control. Basically, I was going to fall off the cliff at some point. I was going to hit rock bottom. It was all going to hit me.
“When you’re young and living a certain way, you can’t see that.
“You think you’re invincible and it won’t happen to you. You think you can just keep behaving and doing the things you want to do and being the person you are but, at the end of the day, life has a funny way of teaching you and bringing you back to earth.
“My world got ripped up and turned upside down and it was all my own doing. I was responsible for everything and I have spent the last six years rebuilding that. I don’t look back with sadness, it’s an understanding and a learning.
“I’ve made some horrible decisions in my life that I’m not proud of. Silly choices as a young man but it has turned me into the person I am. I picked up poor habits and behaviours that were eventually going to bring me unstuck.
“I don’t want to get all deep but there’s no denying in life or football – both are very similar — that you learn the most when you lose the most. Until you lose everything you’ve got, and your life gets ripped out from beneath you … there’s a great saying that rock bottom teaches you more than anything else in the world.
“And when you hit rock bottom, and I’ve been there a few times, you are faced with choices and faced with what you want to be and how you want your life to look.”
Something had to change.
“You have to have some tough conversations with yourself,” Foran said. “You don’t always get it right, you fail, you make poor decisions. Then you do it again and hope failing becomes less and less common, less and less significant and less and less damaging.
“Then eventually the penny drops. I’m a big believer that you never stop learning in life. You make poor decisions throughout your whole life. That’s living.
“If you’re searching for perfection, then you’re living in la-la land, to be quite frank.”
A BROKEN BODY
Foran has had injuries to his shoulders, hamstrings, wrists, ankles and pectoral, and has had surgery on a ruptured ligament in his big toe.
Despite breaking his hand in round 10, Foran will play his 20th game of the season on Friday night against Canberra, the first time he’s notched that mark since 2014.
“When you’re on the sidelines, you struggle for any sort of purpose, you’re not out there contributing,” he said. “You struggle with that self-worth, which is difficult to deal with.
“You feel like you’ve let your club down, let the players down. You definitely carry that.
“It’s a really **** feeling. Being out of game time, it can be a lonely place. Having those injuries tests you mentally. A lot of people in professional sports would agree with me on that.
“You’re not competing and that’s the reason we play the game. Throw on top of that you’re often training solo, you’re away from your teammates, away from that environment that makes you want to play the game. They are challenges and I have faced all those over the years.
“On top of that, when you are injured, and you’ve had as many injuries as I’ve had, especially at this stage of your career, you definitely ask yourself lots of questions. Will it keep happening? Why does it keep happening? Am I capable of ever getting back?
“But then you put things into perspective. You can’t be all doom and gloom. You can’t sulk for too long and say: ‘Life is ****, poor me’. At the end of the day, we’re still alive, still breathing and we still get up every morning, do what we love and make our bodies stronger.
“Perspective allows you to hang in there, build that belief and positivity about getting back out there, sooner or later.”
BACK IN CONTROL
Foran has emerged from his dark place.
His marriage to mother-of-six Karina in 2018 was one of the most important decisions in turning his life around.
“I’ve just turned 31 and I’m well and truly in control of my life,” he said. “At 31, to say that, to know what I want in life, to know how I want my future to look ... I’m excited for my future, my life, my footy, everything.
“I couldn’t be more grateful. If that meant going through the years between 25 and 30 to learn that, it’s a small price to come out the other end.
“Some people learn their life lessons very young, some learn them when older, some never learn them. You’re never too old to stop learning and developing. That is what this journey has taught me; it’s never too late to want to change the person you are. It starts with wanting to do it.
“Once you have that desire, you can do it. There’s no denying it’s had an impact on my footy and no denying that right now is the happiest I have been. Everyone has played a role in that, none more than Dessie, for giving me the opportunity to come back here.
“I’ve learned some invaluable lessons along the way and right now I’m feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life. I feel rejuvenated, young and fresh.”
HERO HASLER
Foran becomes emotional when talking about Des Hasler’s influence on his life.
Hasler was the coach when Foran made his debut in the halves alongside Matt Orford in June 2009.
“If you think about the amount of times I have been written off, the amount of times people have thought I was gone, I didn’t have anything to give or I couldn’t offer anything, Des Hasler has always believed I can bring something,” he said.
“When someone believes in you that much, and you feel that, you grow an extra leg.
“My love for Dessie as a coach started early on. When I did my first major contract with Manly, I had a Des Hasler clause in there. I was adamant I didn’t want to play under anyone else. I was only 18 or 19 when I realised that and my view and opinion of Des has not changed one iota.
“Thirteen years on and I often ask myself what my career would look like if Des had never left Manly and gone to Canterbury in 2012. Mark my words, I would never have left Manly, that’s for sure.
“There is only one bloke I have ever really wanted to play for and that’s Des Hasler. You ask why? He gives me a sense of belief that no one really has been able to do. Outside of my family, there has not been a bigger believer in me than Des Hasler.
“I don’t believe there’s another coach out there like Des. I’m not saying I haven’t been coached by good coaches at other clubs but I don’t believe anyone is at his level. Des gives you everything that you need to be competitive every single week because of his attention to detail.
“If you know me, and those close to me will agree, I’m not too dissimilar to Des. The way I think about footy is very detailed. Des’ techniques and coaching are the winning strategies. I don’t believe anyone else has that – I know it wins, I know it works.
“I have never stopped believing since we won the comp at Manly in 2011. He produces a style, culture and environment that reeks of winning and success.”
BACK TO BROOKIE
Clubs wouldn’t go near Foran last year when he was offloaded by Canterbury. Only one man had the guts to sign Foran – his old mate, Dessie.
“I tore my pec in round 17 last year and no one wanted to touch me,” Foran said. “It was a low point of my career and I wasn’t sure whether that was the end. Canterbury didn’t want to re-sign me and no other clubs were interested.
“I reached out to Dessie. I had kept in contact with him even when I wasn’t playing under him. I picked up the phone and asked: ‘What would be the chances?’ I told him that no one else wanted to touch me, no one wanted me, and he just said: ‘Leave it with me, we’ll sort something out’.
“Des saying no to me was a real possibility. He could have said there is no room in the cap and that I’m getting towards 30, 31, you’ve had a ton of injuries, you haven’t played consistent footy, I love you but I don’t want you.
“But he saw the merit in me and I am just repaying that. He gave me another lifeline like he’s done so many times throughout my career. I don’t know why he has done that so often.”
IN-FORM FORAN
The swagger is back, as is the confidence.
Foz and Daly Cherry-Evans together again leading a premiership contender.
“The main thing this season was getting my body physically right,” he said. “That’s been the biggest thing that has hindered me over the last three or four years, five years even, since I was at Parramatta.
“I had to get myself in shape so I could stay on the field, not just for every second game or half the season but try and play a full year of footy. That’s been the most pleasing thing coming off the back of a huge pre-season and maintaining everything throughout the week.
“It has given me great confidence and belief heading out there each week and I am really enjoying that feeling.
“It poses its challenges when you’re constantly getting injured. The biggest challenge that comes with being injured quite regularly is that you struggle to not only build confidence in yourself but you struggle to build any consistency and combinations with blokes around you.”
ALL THE WAY
After four successive losses to start the season, Manly is on the cusp of a top-four finish.
“We will give it everything we’ve got,” he said. “I know everyone within this footy club knows we will leave no stone unturned. If we do that, well, time will tell.
“We will play finals footy, that’s the first part, and then you’ve got to produce three or four of your best games in the finals.
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“There’s one thing I have always been, a hard worker who has always been committed and determined to be the absolute best footballer I can be. That has never changed or wavered – from the day I started kicking a football until now.
“Manly has taken up an option for next year. I am really happy to be going round again. But I’m not looking that far ahead. I’m just pouring everything I have into this year. The next few weeks should be cracking.”
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