I have borderline personality disorder (BPD). AMA, please.

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Guest Blog Post by Patrick (Me)

Posted on February 21, 2017

https://makebpdstigmafree.wordpress.com/2017/02/21/guest-blog-post-by-patrick/

What BPD is to me.

At my worst, I am careless, recklessness and impulsive. The consequences don’t matter, only the good times you’re enjoying. Until it’s over, you stop can reflect on what has happened and what damage has been done. Then the consequences of your impulsive reckless selfishness do matter and you feel terrible.

This is why you feel that you are understood, why you have such poor self-esteem and are sensitive to even the most constructive of criticisms. You have all the knowledge about your condition and the effect it has on you, but all you want is to be validated. Someone to say that can see all the good things you do, portray you in a positive light and make you feel good about yourself again.

That can only go on for so long, eventually it wears off and you are left alone with your fluctuating moods. You are irritable, the world is unfair, the people you like don’t give you enough of the things you want from them and the only rational response you can come up with is self-harming. That will get me the things I want, I can manipulate people into loving me more and caring for me more that way.

But that is just the excuses and dysfunction that BPD comes with. We have to be aware of why our relationships are so intense and try to better understand our feelings towards ourselves and other people.

Managing your responses and behavior is incredibly tough, especially when you are feeling tired and vulnerable, but you have be mindful about the stress that you are dealing with and have ways to remove yourself from uncomfortable situations.

You can learn to cope with BPD. You pick up so much about compassion and empathy in observing how other people around you survive.

No matter how perfect someone may seem to be to you, you can’t live your life through them. You have to learn to validate and feel yourself, not rely on nice caring sensitive people to do it for you.


My name is Patrick Flynn. I am 33 years old. I have BPD. My aim is to share my experiences positive and negative as much as possible, to raise awareness about BPD in my community and mental health issues in general.

By encouraging others to get help and support, to better understand people with BPD and how to cope with it as quickly and effectively as possible.

I just want to do what I can to help, if you have BPD or know someone who does, please ask me anything. You can overcome it.

Later,

Pat.

http://stores.ebay.com.au/patorick

[email protected]
 
Hi Pat, owning and havinga name for what ailes you can be veryhelpful, at least it has been for my anxiety and depression.

I have just started collecting star wars lego so i will check you out on ebay!
 
Do people with borderline personality disorder have a secret superpower?

https://www.quora.com/Do-people-with-borderline-personality-disorder-have-a-secret-superpower

Elinor Greenberg, PhD Psychologist

Written Feb 8.

Yes, Borderline individuals have a very interesting superpower. They can convince other adults that they are a needy child. There are two basic versions of this that relate to the split way Borderline clients tend to see themselves.

All-Good versus All-Bad

Borderline individuals do not have the ability to see themselves in an integrated and realistic way as being a mixture of good and bad traits and lovable and less lovable attributes. In psychology terminology, they did not reach the development achievement called “Whole Object Relations.” Instead, they see themselves as either: The all-good, lovable child or the all-bad, unlovable child.

Let me give you some necessary information about Borderline clients so that you can understand this “superpower.”

Borderline clients often feel childlike and helpless

Many individuals who have made Borderline adaptations to their childhood situation never quite feel like a real adult. They report feeling as if they are a child or teen in an adult body. Instead of trying to learn how to take care of themselves, they want to find another adult who will reparent them, give them unconditional love, and do all the boring, adult things they would rather not have to do—like pay taxes, clean their apartment, take responsibility for their healthcare, keep track of their finances, and plan for the future. They project:

I am helpless. I need you to take care of me

Their “secret superpower” involves putting out an energy that makes other adults want to take care of them. Not everyone is susceptible. Some people get annoyed and back off when they feel the often unspoken message: “I need you, I am helpless to take care of myself.”

As a psychotherapist, I have often found it hard not to respond to this emotional pull. Some people are so good at doing this, it feels a bit like I am being hypnotized to see them this way.

Countertransference

It is part of my job to notice my emotional reactions to my clients (“countertranference” is the psych term for this) and resist acting on them. Instead, I help my Borderline clients become aware of what they are communicating and the basic assumptions that they are making that need to be updated for them to successfully live as an adult. What I communicate back to them in both words and attitude is:

You are not helpless.
You can learn to take care of yourself.
It is not other people’s job to make up for what you did not receive as a child.
You are an adult now.

The Borderline clients who see themselves as all-bad and unlovable have a slightly different version of this superpower. They strongly project:

I am an unlovable child and you will reject me too!

These clients are adept at making the above into a self-fulfillIng prophecy. They present all their least appealing attributes first. They often show up for their first therapy session as their worst version of themselves—dressed in their oldest and dirtiest clothes, with an angry look on their face, and an aggressively defiant attitude. This serves a few purposes:

It is a test: Can you see me as lovable despite my showing you my least attractive attributes?

Rejection: These clients are so fearful of being rejected that they do not want to get their hopes up. They prefer you to reject them now before they have become deeply attached to you.

Hostility: These clients are in touch with their rage. Coming to therapy with this attitude allows them to express their anger.

My Superpower: My superpower as a therapist is to not get caught up in believing or acting on either of these two incomplete and polarized self-presentions that are being projected. I need to be the person who sees all sides of them in an integrated and realistic way. It is my job to not get manipulated by their superpower into either treating them as a helpless child or rejecting them as unlovable and untreatable.

I have to remember that they are an adult, not a child, no matter how much they try and convince me otherwise. It is also my job to stay focused on helping them deal with their pain (instead of just complaining) and develop the missing skills that they need to function as an adult.

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety.

www.elinorgreenberg.com
 
What are some boundaries that people with bpd commonly violate unintentionally?

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-boundaries-that-people-with-bpd-commonly-violate-unintentionally

Alexa Dolaway

https://www.quora.com/profile/Alexa-Dolaway-1

Written Aug 25, 2016 ·

Upvoted by John Freeman, MD, PhD, Psychiatrist, Neurobiolgist, Professor, etc.

People with Borderline Personaility Disorder can get along with a wide range of people because they have no “self”. Basically, they have no personality. They actually adapt to their environment by creating juxtapositions between themselves and other people everywhere they go. I find that most people I've met who suffer from BPD, including myself, have a hard time consoling people and being empathetic on command.

For instance: if you tell me how hard of a time you are having, I will instinctually tell you how hard of a time I am having, or tell you about a friend who is going through things also. We will keep trying to relate to you instead of simply listening and trying to understand. This leads people to believe that you're always trying to “1-up” them.

BPDers tend to over-share, in my experience. We might open up too fast (depending on the person) and say things that don't need to be said. It's a common misconception that this is done for attention, rather, we just don't know what is appropriate. (We don't have a personality)

If you observe someone with BPD with say; 4 different people for a half hour each, you will notice that body language, posture, tone of voice, and even their “usual” or “normal” mannerisms will change. We don't realize we are doing it. We are chameleons.

But, before you think that this is some type of super power, know that it gets us in a lot of trouble, with boundaries. We tend to watch people interact very closely and then mimic that. When meeting new people this can be especially bad. I might become too comfortable or too relaxed too fast. I might speak up in conversation more than normal, I might volunteer information at innapropriate times to compensate for being uncomfortable. I might tell a story that is a complete lie.

BPDers have such trouble with impulse control that it's very easy to go a little too far and then end up ruining everything simply trying to fix a mistake.

Our WHOLE lives are based on interactions. Our self-image, confidence, personality, mannerisms, habits, all interactions. Our thoughts and feelings are controlled by interactions. We live for them. We analyze them over and over. We practice interaction. It's tasking, but it's the only way to get through life.

You can tell that there's something off about most of us, you just can't put your finger on it. We’re not awful, manipulative, terrible people. The fact of the matter is; some of us couldn't even tell you what our favorite color is. We don't know about the boundaries. We do realize how bad we can be at socializing.
 
Question:
Are people with Borderline Personality Disorder capable of love and affection?
I am involved with someone who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He seems incapable of accepting my love and affection. Whenever I tell him I love him and value him, he says things like "I don't think you are being sincere," or "I don't believe you" or "You are just saying that."


https://www.quora.com/Are-people-with-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-capable-of-love-and-affection

Answer:

Blake A. Cameron
Studied at University of Michigan
Analytical Psychologist and longtime BPD & PTSD advocate
Written May 11, 2016

Yes, of course. BPD is caused by a loss of identity, stemming from a lack of love and affection from their parents or caregivers. People living with BPD not only can love, but because they were deprived of it at such a young age they deeply crave love and affection.

It can be difficult for these types of people to express love in a healthy manner because, to some, they love too aggressively. And that's not to say that they're in the wrong, I actually think the way that those with BPD love is the most pure form of affection known to man because it's a direct reflection of their inner child.


Think of the love a child has for their parent: It's deep, everlasting, and even if the parent hurts the child, the little one still believes on a conscious level that their parents still care and are deserving of their love. This type of childlike love is what people living with BPD exhibit, and very often it scares people because of the weight of it all.

Most adults love each other on the surface, and when they are presented with another adult that gives and commands the same loyalty respect and love that a child would for their parent, it makes them uncomfortable and the stereotypical BPD love cycle starts.

By your partner saying he doesn't think your love is genuine, what he's really trying to say is that he loves you so deeply that he'd do anything for you, and that he's afraid that your love doesn't extend as far as his does.

Now, is this irrational? To some extent, yes. But is it warranted? Yes, it is, if that's all a person has known. People with BPD have to, at the end of the day, live with themselves. The only way they know how to protect themselves and preserve whatever emotional stibility they may have is to scruitinize and vet potential mates as best as they can.

Your partner thinks you will leave him, and this fear is deeply rooted, and it may never go away. What you can do is sit him down and tell him that you're not going to leave him if the relationship is built on trust, but if the relationship is built on fear that you may have to distance yourself and cut ties for your own mental health.

Don't treat people with BPD like babies. They're adults, and if you are logical and straightforward about your affection and your unhappiness with their actions, they will learn to cope with it, and it may make them better people.
 
What Having a 'Favorite Person' Means to Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

https://themighty.com/2016/10/what-its-like-to-have-a-favorite-person-when-you-live-with-borderline/

By Charlotte Kierans, Contributor, I write about Borderline Personality Disorder

For me personally, one of the most challenging aspects of having borderline personality disorder (BPD) is having a “favorite person.” When I was first diagnosed, I searched all over the internet for information about my disorder because I had no idea what it was. One aspect of my disorder not many people spoke about, but I related to most, was the idea of having a “favorite person,” or FP for short.

The easiest way for me to describe how having an FP works is this: I’m like a dog who destroys the house when she’s left at home, but then acts really happy when the owner comes home and pretends nothing happened.

To put this into a real life situation, I will text my FP every morning when I wake up saying “good morning xx,” and if they haven’t replied within five minutes I automatically assume they either hate me or I have annoyed them. That thought sends me into utter panic and causes a lot of distress. If I were to think about it logically, I would probably tell myself they’re probably still asleep — but when it comes to having an FP all rational thinking goes out of the window.

For example:

FP: (talks to me all night)

Me: They love me.

FP: (doesn’t text me back in the morning)

Me: They hate me, this was all a game. I am a fool to think they ever loved me.

It is well known that people with BPD struggle with abandonment, and having an FP makes that struggle even worse. An FP is someone you absolutely adore, whether it be a friend or a partner, but the problem is you give that person the responsibility of your happiness. My first ever FP was my now ex-boyfriend. Our relationship was a struggle because without him by my side I couldn’t be happy. When he would leave, I’d be incredibly upset, which even sometimes turned into anger. I only understood he had become my FP after we broke up, and when I look back, I think if I had the knowledge and understanding I do now we would have worked better. When your partner is your FP, it can make your relationship incredibly difficult. You constantly need reassurance and validation from your FP, but sometimes asking for too much assurance comes across like you doubt them or don’t trust them, and that can lead to so many problems.

It’s not impossible to have a relationship with your FP. It’s no walk in the park, but with a lot of dedication and hard work it can be so very rewarding. Because at the end of the day, your partner is your favorite person and being with them is awesome! The one thing you need to learn when your partner is your FP is self-validation. Now believe me, I know self-validation doesn’t come easy to people with BPD, but with practice it does become easier. You have to constantly tell yourself that your FP loves you and that you deserve to be loved by them.

All I can say is that be proud to have an FP! It means you can show that person so much love and passion.
 
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OBSESSED WITH A BORDERLINE: A Matter of Attraction and Revulsion

http://gettinbetter.com/obsessed.html

By Shari Schreiber, M.A.

Whether you're presently involved with a borderline disordered individual or you've finally stepped away from one, you've been struggling with wanting someone who has caused you great harm. It seems that regardless of what they've put you through, you just can't get them out of your head or move completely beyond the longing you still feel, which triggers fantasies about having them back! Don't worry, you're not going crazy--you're just hurting, and needing it to stop.

You may be obsessing about what he or she's feeling or doing, whom they're dating/sleeping with, and wondering if they're thinking at all about you. Your feelings of shame and emptiness are so unbearable, that it's easier to divert your focus to him/her, rather than sitting with the painful emotions you have to feel in their absence. What's happened is, you're busy living inside their life instead of yours--and as much as you need them to return, you could be fearing it as well.

...

Yearning for someone who's made you feel bad about yourself confuses and confounds your rational mind, so let's begin understanding how and why you could want somebody who's brought so much pain and destruction into your world. Confusion feeds chaos. You're just looking for a way out of it.

Whether you've loved a Borderline or not, it's human nature to try and figure out troubling/perplexing issues associated with someone's weird or aberrant behaviors--or nobody'd be making those chilling/creepy movies about Charles Manson, or anybody else who's displayed psychotic or sociopathic traits! The fact that we can't relate to these folks makes them fascinating puzzles that we keep wanting to figure out, because they don't fit with our definition of "normal."

Several clients have said that their 'most recent' Borderline wasn't someone they'd necessarily seen as the most beautiful or brilliant in their dating history~ yet their obsession with this one, has them trapped in maddening confusion. This is our clue about childhood experiences which created an early template of sorts, that's uncannily being replicated within this present-day dynamic.

Every child is in love with their parents. They see the parent as a god, who's entrusted with their care and protection. When this 'god' is rejecting, critical or abusive, it's painful, frightening and confusing to a small child, which forces him to split off the dangerous, injurious parts of his mother or father in order to remain attached. You acquired this survival tool as a kid, and it's still in place for you~ but it works against you as an adult.

A child doesn't automatically stop loving his/her parent, when they act in crazy or cruel ways! What he or she does instead, is compartmentalize or box-up those bad behaviors and divorce them from the parent, so they can remain in-love so to speak, with Mom or Dad. This is exactly what you've done with your BPD lover, and it's made you deny and invalidate some very important personal feelings and perceptions.

The opposite of Love, is not Hate . . . it's Indifference.

...

Instinct and intuition are our built-in survival guides, which are with us from the time we're born--but if we've grown up in an environment that's chaotic or conflictual, or we've survived criticism and abuse from a parent, we had to start managing excruciating emotions about that, by making them "not matter" or locking them away. Discarding various feelings early in life, leaves us with inner emptiness and deadness, where feelings are supposed to reside. We crave a sense of aliveness, but we're unable to access it for ourselves, because literally half of our emotional repertoire has been abolished since we were very young children~ which is why roller-coaster relationships are so darned appealing!

The Borderline reawakens intensely positive and negative emotions--but one thing we're certain of, is that we're Feeling~ which relieves our inner sense of deadness or emptiness. Dead people don't feel pain~ so in some way, we welcome it.

...

Borderlines are initially captivating, enchanting and irresistible. Even if we think that he/she is out of our league, they relentlessly pursue us to where we begin to accept that they find us worthy of their attention/affection, and start trusting that it'll be safe for us to let down our guard, and love them. I hate to say this, but that's precisely when your troubling experiences start to occur.

Borderlines are intoxicated by The Chase--not the capture. The moment they sense you're hopelessly hooked, they lose interest, and their distancing and acting-out behaviors begin. By now, you're emotionally invested, and you're in far too deep to walk away. Even if their positive traits are overshadowed by hurtful negative ones, you keep fantasizing that if you try a little harder, things will work out--but they won't. You feel toxic shame left over from childhood when you fail with them, which makes you feverishly attempt to redeem yourself in their eyes, but this is a pointless exercise that keeps you tortured (albeit stimulated).


...

When you're apart, you feel adrift, guilty, empty and unable to focus. Even if you're the one who's walked away, you doubt your decision, because it feels so lousy being apart from him/her! You probably grew up presuming that 'right' choices brought good and favorable feelings, but this is a false belief. Right choices are typically the hardest to make, because they force us to adhere to our true convictions, which develops character and integrity. These key aspects of our emotional growth aren't about doing the 'easy' stuff--if they were, everybody'd be doing it!

...

Both Borderlines and the people attracted to them, incurred similar types of wounds to their developing sense of Self, and isn't it simply natural to be drawn to someone with whom you have things in common, or who echoes personality aspects in yourself? Well, this coupling is a lot like that--it feels as if you've found your 'soul mate.' There's a similar vibration/frequency you two share, due to childhood abandonment issues. While the nature of those early difficulties were alike, they've played out in different ways for each of you. You've compensated for self-worth injuries and insecurities by becoming a people-pleaser and super-giver. The Borderline has compensated for insecurities by being a seducer, super-user~ but the scars from that early time in life remain.

This hurts as horribly as it does, because you have been here before! You've become adept at putting your childhood agony "behind" you, presuming it would stay dead and buried. The BPD lover simply excavates all that ancient trauma to your sense of Self, but it's repairable. Now is your opportunity to finally Heal.
 
http://www.echo.me.uk/bpd2.htm

Borderlines love love - they are obsessed by it and will do anything to ensure they get it. To them it is a means of filling up their loneliness and lack of Self through another person rather than an expression of regard or caring for someone as an equal partner.

While their need for love is apparent they don't know how to return love. In reality they are afraid of intimacy and do not have the emotional strength to fight their fears of inadequacy or abandonment in a manner that makes it possible for them to return love. After the passion of new love subsides they become bored, often moving on to a new partner. If they continue in the relationship "instead of deepening concern and communication, there ensues a struggle for control. The arena of this often violent struggle may include time, money, sex, fidelity, spiritual beliefs, children, or physical and emotional distance. The centerpiece of the struggle is the threat of abandonment." Moskovitz (pg. 144).

Borderlines do not trust others and as such their relationships are fraught with battles. They are manipulative and will hurt others when their needs are not being met by raging or sometimes by physically hurting themselves or less likely their partners. Because partners get frustrated and try to regain their own power they may "strike back or flee." Moskovitz (pg. 144)

Borderlines do not love themselves, in fact they practice self-hatred. Psychologists often comment that anyone who doesn't love themselves can't truly love others.

It all sounds very bleak. However, with effective treatment Borderlines can learn to understand their feelings, control their impulsive behaviour and strengthen their sense of Self enabling them to improve the quality of their relationships.
 
It's very hard to stay in love. You really must keep working at it and push yourself to be a better partner. You give up a little of yourself and take on a little of them.
 
http://www.bpdrecovery.com/twisted-thinking

The Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking
From "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns, M.D. © 1989

As you work through your recovery and become more skilled at using The Four Agreements and The Five Steps, you will find yourself becoming more aware of twisted thinking as part of your Borderline view of the world around you. These guidelines of twisted thinking from Dr. David Burns are invaluable to help you as your proceed on your journey of healthy, happy living.

1. All-or-nothing thinking - You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure. When a young woman on a diet ate a spoonful of ice cream, she told herself, "I've blown my diet completely." This thought upset her so much that she gobbled down an entire quart of ice cream.

2. Overgeneralization - You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it. A depressed salesman became terribly upset when he noticed bird dung on the window of his car. He told himself, "Just my luck! Birds are always crapping on my car!"

3. Mental Filter - You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water. Example: You receive many positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.

4. Discounting the positive - You reject positive experiences by insisting that they "don't count." If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the positives takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

5. Jumping to conclusions - You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion.

Mind Reading : Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you.

Fortune-telling : You predict that things will turn out badly. Before a test you may tell yourself, "I'm really going to blow it. What if I flunk?" If you're depressed you may tell yourself, "I'll never get better."

6. Magnification - You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the "binocular trick."

7. Emotional Reasoning - You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel terrified about going on airplanes. It must be very dangerous to fly." Or, "I feel guilty. I must be a rotten person." Or, "I feel angry. This proves that I'm being treated unfairly." Or, "I feel so inferior. This means I'm a second rate person." Or, "I feel hopeless. I must really be hopeless."

8. "Should" statements - You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herself, "I shouldn't have made so many mistakes." This made her feel so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days. "Musts," "oughts" and "have tos" are similar offenders.

"Should statements" that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general, lead to anger and frustration: "He shouldn't be so stubborn and argumentative!"

Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn'ts, as if they were delinquents who had to be punished before they could be expected to do anything. "I shouldn't eat that doughnut." This usually doesn't work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite. Dr. Albert Ellis has called this " must erbation." I call it the "shouldy" approach to life.

9. Labeling - Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." You might also label yourself "a fool" or "a failure" or "a jerk." Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but "fools," "losers" and "jerks" do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration and low self-esteem.

You may also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: "He's an S.O.B." Then you feel that the problem is with that person's "character" or "essence" instead of with their thinking or behavior. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves very little room for constructive communication.

10. Personalization and Blame - Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulty in school, she told herself, "This shows what a bad mother I am," instead of trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to her child. When another woman's husband beat her, she told herself, "If only I was better in bed, he wouldn't beat me." Personalization leads to guilt, shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways they might be contributing to the problem: "The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally unreasonable." Blame usually doesn't work very well because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will just toss the blame right back in your lap. It's like the game of hot potato--no one wants to get stuck with it.
 
The causes of BPD are unclear. Historically BPD was seen as having ‘abuse’ as central to the cause. Most experts agree there is not one single cause of borderline personality disorder. As with most conditions, BPD appears to be the result of a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Genetic factors may include inheriting certain genes or personality traits, and there are a number of environmental factors that may play a role. The most severe may be various forms of abuse: emotional, physical and sexual. Loss and neglect may also be contributing factors.

However, some people with no history of abuse at all also develop BPD. The current theory is that some people may have a higher biological or genetic vulnerability to this condition, and adverse childhood conditions can increase the risk of eventually developing the disorder. The experiences of people living with BPD who have no history of experiencing abuse also indicate that there can be a very strong biological component to the condition. It is important to remember that due to biological differences, some children need much more support, emotional coaching and interpersonal validation than others. The emphasis of many treatments is to focus on the present-day realities and strategies to cope while respecting the role of the past in the person's life.

http://www.bpdaustralia.com/about-bpd/
 
I'm trying to do as much as I can, but I still have bad days. And nights. Yesterday some mates of mine were doing a bbq somewhere and I wasn't invited to help with it. For a few hours my emotions and bpd got the better of me and my feelings were badly hurt. They don't like me, they hate me, they're only nice to me because they feel obligated, I say inappropriate things, I make people uncomfortable, I'm not genuinely friendly enough, I'm too friendly too soon etc. Nevermind the fact that I already had yoga and a another bbq breakfast that morning at the beach, I wanted to go to the other bbq as well.

But, after a good chat with my sister, I realized if I went uninvited I would look desperate and needy. I found some other things to do, watched some tv shows, listened to some music and watched some NSWRL and NRL. And Manly won, that helped. The lesson is try (very hard) to extract yourself from the emotions and feelings you have when you are distressed. Let it go. Breath. Focus on what you can control. Everything will be OK, sometimes you just need some space and some time to work out what is going on and how you can make yourself better. It's really hard sometimes, but the more you do it and practice it, the better you remember it and it sort of becomes a little bit easier to do naturally.

You don't have to feel like a victim. You don't have to be a victim. People are not all bad. And they are not all good, either. No one is perfect. Accept other peoples imperfections and you will feel much better about yourself and your feeling overly emotional situations.
 
New Jets WR Brandon Marshall and his battle with borderline personality disorder

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/f...erline-personality-disorder-article-1.2141563

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BY
Michael O'keeffe
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
Saturday, March 7, 2015, 11:39 PM

When the Jets acquired Brandon Marshall from the Chicago Bears on Friday, they got a big, physical wide receiver who will immediately upgrade what was the NFL’s worst passing offense in 2014. The Jets also got a volatile athlete with a troubling past that includes domestic violence incidents, run-ins with police and conflicts with teammates.

Marshall’s problems may stem from borderline personality disorder, a disease linked to severe depression, mood swings, substance abuse and reckless behavior. The good news for the Jets is that Marshall has not only received treatment for the condition, but he has become an advocate for the mentally ill.

Football is still Marshall’s career, but battling the stigma that comes with mental illness has been his passion since he was diagnosed with BPD in 2011 at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass. Marshall has said he wants to raise awareness of mental health issues like Magic Johnson raised awareness of AIDS after he was diagnosed with HIV.


“Today I am making myself vulnerable to help others who suffer from borderline personality disorder,” Marshall said during a 2011 news conference he called to discuss his diagnosis and mental health struggles. “I have seen my life with BPD and how it played out. My goal is to walk the halls of Congress to fight for the insurance coverage for this, and walk the halls of the National Institute of Mental Health to raise awareness of this disorder. That is my mission moving forward. I love the game, but it’s not my priority anymore. Today my journey begins.

“I want to be the face of BPD,” he added.

Marshall spent three months at McLean in 2011 undergoing intensive evaluation and treatment. Dr. Lois Choi-Kain, the medical and program director at McLean’s borderline personality disorder unit, said Marshall should be applauded for going public with his mental health struggles.

“He has been very public about his diagnosis, and I think that is very positive,” said Choi-Kain, who has not met Marshall and was not involved in his evaluation and treatment. “It shows a lot of courage and it shows what he has learned from his own treatment.”

Borderline personality disorder may explain why Marshall may be the most intense player on the field one minute and the most lackadaisical the next. It explains why he could catch a league-record 21 passes in one game with the Denver Broncos in 2009 — and why he was suspended that same year for bumbling through practices.

BPD might also explain — but not excuse — Marshall’s ugly run-ins with the law and clashes with his wife, Michi Nogami, and other loved ones, most of which occurred before he received his diagnosis.


“Right now, today, I am vulnerable, I am making myself vulnerable,” Marshall said in 2011. “And I want to be clear that this is the opposite of damage control. The only reason I’m standing here today is to use my story to help others who may suffer from what I suffer from.”

People with BPD such as Marshall, Choi-Kain said, react to events with intense anger and rage. Relationships with spouses and other loved ones swing between intense emotions.

“They are either in a very good place or a very bad place,” Choi-Kain said. “There is no middle ground.”

BPD patients often engage in reckless and impulsive behavior. They frequently abuse drugs and alcohol, Choi-Kain said. They express suicidal thoughts, and sometimes act on them.

BPD patients, especially when stressed, struggle with self-understanding, Choi-Kain added. They can become paranoid and distrustful.


“They feel everyone is their enemy,” she said.

Regardless of Marshall’s history of troubles, Choi-Kain believes he can serve as an effective advocate for the mentally ill.

“Having someone who is so successful and skilled, having a person of strength publicly show that kind of vulnerability, shows that he has a lot of compassion,” she said. “It shows he has learned a lot from his treatment.”
 
I'm trying to do as much as I can, but I still have bad days. And nights. Yesterday some mates of mine were doing a bbq somewhere and I wasn't invited to help with it. For a few hours my emotions and bpd got the better of me and my feelings were badly hurt. They don't like me, they hate me, they're only nice to me because they feel obligated, I say inappropriate things, I make people uncomfortable, I'm not genuinely friendly enough, I'm too friendly too soon etc. Nevermind the fact that I already had yoga and a another bbq breakfast that morning at the beach, I wanted to go to the other bbq as well.

But, after a good chat with my sister, I realized if I went uninvited I would look desperate and needy. I found some other things to do, watched some tv shows, listened to some music and watched some NSWRL and NRL. And Manly won, that helped. The lesson is try (very hard) to extract yourself from the emotions and feelings you have when you are distressed. Let it go. Breath. Focus on what you can control. Everything will be OK, sometimes you just need some space and some time to work out what is going on and how you can make yourself better. It's really hard sometimes, but the more you do it and practice it, the better you remember it and it sort of becomes a little bit easier to do naturally.

You don't have to feel like a victim. You don't have to be a victim. People are not all bad. And they are not all good, either. No one is perfect. Accept other peoples imperfections and you will feel much better about yourself and your feeling overly emotional situations.
Have you look at any level at Buddhist teachings? They can really help with perspective. There would be workshops you could attend.
 

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