True Emergency Room Visits

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PJ

Bencher
True Emergency Room Visits

INNER SKELETON:

A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil,
suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch
long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had
become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA

A 500lb. (227Kg, or 35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in
a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR.... OUCH!

In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He
complained that his wife had "... a rat in her privates..." and it had
bitten him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I
don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?

A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He
said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with a concrete mix,
then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using
a funnel (as you do?!!). The concrete then hardened (no ****!), causing
constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia a perfect concrete cast
of the man's rectum was removed along with it a ping pong ball.
BLIND DRUNK

A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain
while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come
out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined
him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all.
He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Kinda makes
you wonder about the nurse too!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in
bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hand on his abdomen and the
woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors
that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner.Overcome with
passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the
man.
While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp
down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and
desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until
she let go.
 

Normie

Bencher
The "things" you see when working in Accident & Emergency is quite mind boggling. It makes for great disscussion on your lunch break with fellow nurses......
 

PJ

Bencher
The \"things\" you see when working in Accident & Emergency is quite mind boggling. It makes for great disscussion on your lunch break with fellow nurses......

yeah some of the stuff my sister tells me has my jaw on the floor....you would have fun at work around full moon too I'm guessing?
 

PJ

Bencher
same at my work....I was told before I started and thought it was a load of ****e but you can set your clock to it that on or around full moon the fruit cakes come out to play!
 

earl

Bencher
hahah how funny is that... he stabbed his missus in the head with a fork so she'd let go... :lol:
Well , this didnt make it to the emergency room but,

A certain lady who shall reamin nameless was looking thru a Cleo mag and there was a section on how to please your man. One idea was to perform oral on him while he was asleep and he will wake up half way thru and love you for it.
One question lads,what do you do when you wake up at midnight and feel something on your old fella. Well , i started swinging mad. She ended up with a black eye and wouldnt talk to me all weekend.
 

Nutzcraw

Bencher
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm starting to think dan should start up a new website with just Earl's stories on them :lol:

That's a crack up

"she shall remain nameless" then "i started swinging mad"

hahahahaha... that's funny ****.

That would have been a long weekend... i wonder whether she's tried that again.. she probably has nightmares about that.
 

earl

Bencher
ohh and dont worry,
Im sure theres been a few stories that have gone the way of "A mate of mine" that hadnt actually involved a mate. :lol:
 

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