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A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress
party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg
so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will
cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as
a Pirate.

The man thinks this is terrible because they emphasised his disability,
so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he received
another parcel.

Dear Sir,

Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find a monk's habit. The long
Robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really
look the part.

The man is extremely furious now, because the company has gone from
emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.

So he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A few days later he
gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. Pour the tin of Golden
Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as
a f*cking toffee apple.

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