Best RL jokes.
- Thread starter Rusty
- Start date
vidmar
Bencher
In years to come….A well known ex- Parra player is living in his house with his three children.
One of the children asks "Daddy, why is my name Tries?"
"Because when you were born I’d scored the most tries in a game I’d just played in!"
The second child said "Daddy, why is my name Points?"
The Legend replied "because when you were born I’d just scored the most points in a game I was playing in!"
The third child came along, "Daddy?"
"Yes, Head butting opponent?"
--------------------------------------------------------
Brian Smith seeing that the Roosters are struggling finally decided he needed a bit of help with his coaching... So he wandered down to have a chat with Wayne Bennett at training...
He said "Wayne... I need help, tell me what I can do to turn this poor form around!!!"
Wayne said "Look, Smithy, you've been around a long time...but I'll give you a tip. You have to make your players feel intelligent and they’ll then play intelligent... Wait I'll show you."
Bennett says "Gaz, come over here big fella! Who is your mother and father's child, but it’s not your brother or sister?"
Gaz has a little chuckle and says "That's easy...it's ME!", and he jogged back off to the boys.
Brian is amazed...so he takes his new advice back to training.
"Braith" he says..."Come over here mate?! Got a question for ya! Who is your mother and father's child, but it’s not your brother or sister...?"
Braith looks really puzzled...concedes and says "Smithy. give me some time to think about it and I’ll get back to ya!"
Coach Smith says "Alright. I'll ask you again tomorrow."
Braith is really confused that night and decides to ask Gus Gould...he's a smart fella. So he calls him up...
"Gus, its Braith, I got a question mate... Who is your mother and fathers child, but it's not your brother or sister...?! Its really got me puzzled."
Gus says... "That's easy mate, it's ME!" Braith is a happy boy, so he goes back to training the next day ready to deliver the goods.
Braith goes up to Smithy who asks the question again...
"Alright Braith, who's your mother and fathers child but it's not your brother or sister!!!"
Briath lets out a grin and says "That's too easy, I should have got it straight away!!! Its Gus Gould!!!!"
Smithy snaps back knowing his team now has no hope at all for 2011...
"No, you idiot!!! It’s Mark Gasnier!!!"
One of the children asks "Daddy, why is my name Tries?"
"Because when you were born I’d scored the most tries in a game I’d just played in!"
The second child said "Daddy, why is my name Points?"
The Legend replied "because when you were born I’d just scored the most points in a game I was playing in!"
The third child came along, "Daddy?"
"Yes, Head butting opponent?"
--------------------------------------------------------
Brian Smith seeing that the Roosters are struggling finally decided he needed a bit of help with his coaching... So he wandered down to have a chat with Wayne Bennett at training...
He said "Wayne... I need help, tell me what I can do to turn this poor form around!!!"
Wayne said "Look, Smithy, you've been around a long time...but I'll give you a tip. You have to make your players feel intelligent and they’ll then play intelligent... Wait I'll show you."
Bennett says "Gaz, come over here big fella! Who is your mother and father's child, but it’s not your brother or sister?"
Gaz has a little chuckle and says "That's easy...it's ME!", and he jogged back off to the boys.
Brian is amazed...so he takes his new advice back to training.
"Braith" he says..."Come over here mate?! Got a question for ya! Who is your mother and father's child, but it’s not your brother or sister...?"
Braith looks really puzzled...concedes and says "Smithy. give me some time to think about it and I’ll get back to ya!"
Coach Smith says "Alright. I'll ask you again tomorrow."
Braith is really confused that night and decides to ask Gus Gould...he's a smart fella. So he calls him up...
"Gus, its Braith, I got a question mate... Who is your mother and fathers child, but it's not your brother or sister...?! Its really got me puzzled."
Gus says... "That's easy mate, it's ME!" Braith is a happy boy, so he goes back to training the next day ready to deliver the goods.
Braith goes up to Smithy who asks the question again...
"Alright Braith, who's your mother and fathers child but it's not your brother or sister!!!"
Briath lets out a grin and says "That's too easy, I should have got it straight away!!! Its Gus Gould!!!!"
Smithy snaps back knowing his team now has no hope at all for 2011...
"No, you idiot!!! It’s Mark Gasnier!!!"
Captain of the Gate
Reserve Grader
Me: Knock Knock
Wayne Bennett: Who's There
Me: Brian Smith
Wayne Bennett: Brian Smith Who?
Me: Oh don't talk about Brian Smith that way, the guy is having a tough enough time a it is
Wayne Bennett: Who's There
Me: Brian Smith
Wayne Bennett: Brian Smith Who?
Me: Oh don't talk about Brian Smith that way, the guy is having a tough enough time a it is
Brain Transplant
It was the year 2080, and a wealthy old man needed a brain transplant.
His doctor told him he only had two brains on hand.
One was of a professor and cost $10,000. The other was from the lately, but most dearly
departed Choc Watmough and cost $500,000.
"You're kidding me Doc. $500,000 - I know he was famous, but that's awfully expensive."
"Look at what you're getting", said the doc, "it's never been used."
It was the year 2080, and a wealthy old man needed a brain transplant.
His doctor told him he only had two brains on hand.
One was of a professor and cost $10,000. The other was from the lately, but most dearly
departed Choc Watmough and cost $500,000.
"You're kidding me Doc. $500,000 - I know he was famous, but that's awfully expensive."
"Look at what you're getting", said the doc, "it's never been used."
manlyfan76
There is no A.I. Just better computers
What do Penriff supports use for protection whilst having sex?
A bus shelter.
A bus shelter.
Picture the scene: Manly players at Brooky Oval prior to thge kick off against Penrith. The trainer runs out and says to the boys, "This should be an easy win fellas. The Panther players are all sweating like a Paedophile at a Wiggles Concert"
Bomm Boom
Bomm Boom
WAMF
Bencher
Tinkler receives a call from Gids on the Sunday night after a bruising encounter against Manly. "Chubs, this midget with a speech impediment comes up to me every home game to tell me he wants to buy a horse. He's a big knights fan, he goes to every game and I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives and Tinkler asks the fan if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth," the midget replies. So Tinkler shows him a female.
"Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So Tinkler picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So Tinkler again picks up the midget and shows him the horses eyes.
"OK, what about the earsth?" Now Tinkler is starting to get pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time to show him the ears.
"OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat." With that, Tinkler picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"
The midget arrives and Tinkler asks the fan if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth," the midget replies. So Tinkler shows him a female.
"Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So Tinkler picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So Tinkler again picks up the midget and shows him the horses eyes.
"OK, what about the earsth?" Now Tinkler is starting to get pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time to show him the ears.
"OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat." With that, Tinkler picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"
Cameron
Make Manly Great Again #Hasler2019
St George signed Irish rugby sensation Rick O'Shea
So it comes to the first trial and hes bouncing around the place in anticipation and Wayne Bennett pulls him a side pre match.
"Rick its your first game and its only a trial so you are gonna start but im gonna pull you off at half time," the super coach explained
Rick was shocked but looked pleasently surprised "Wow coach back in dublin they never did that for us the would just give us oranges."
So it comes to the first trial and hes bouncing around the place in anticipation and Wayne Bennett pulls him a side pre match.
"Rick its your first game and its only a trial so you are gonna start but im gonna pull you off at half time," the super coach explained
Rick was shocked but looked pleasently surprised "Wow coach back in dublin they never did that for us the would just give us oranges."
Berkeley_Eagle
Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan
got these from RL.com
City Rail have decided to start sponsoring Parramatta.
City Rail think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two boys are playing kick-to-kick in a park on the Eastern Suburbs
when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the
other boy grabbed a branch and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and
twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
interview the boy.
'Young Rooster Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,' he starts
writing in his notebook.
'But I'm not an Rooster fan,' the little hero replied. '
Sorry, since we are on the Eastern Suburbs, I just assumed you were,'
said the reporter and starts again.
'Young Rabbits Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, ...' he
continued writing in his notebook.
'I'm not a Rabbits fan either!', the boy said.
'I assumed everyone in the Eastern Suburbs was either for the Rooster
or the Rabbits.'
'So what team DO you barrack for?' the reporter asked.
'I'm a Canterbury fan!', the child beamed.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
'Little Pr*ck from Lakemba Kills Beloved Family Pet.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie Soward wasn't getting much game time with the Roosters and wanted out. Browny wanted him at Kagarah so he gave him a call and said "Come to St George, I will play you for the first half and then pull you off" Jamie was happy about this and and responded "That sounds great Browny all we get at the Roosters at half time is oranges"
City Rail have decided to start sponsoring Parramatta.
City Rail think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two boys are playing kick-to-kick in a park on the Eastern Suburbs
when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the
other boy grabbed a branch and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and
twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
interview the boy.
'Young Rooster Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,' he starts
writing in his notebook.
'But I'm not an Rooster fan,' the little hero replied. '
Sorry, since we are on the Eastern Suburbs, I just assumed you were,'
said the reporter and starts again.
'Young Rabbits Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, ...' he
continued writing in his notebook.
'I'm not a Rabbits fan either!', the boy said.
'I assumed everyone in the Eastern Suburbs was either for the Rooster
or the Rabbits.'
'So what team DO you barrack for?' the reporter asked.
'I'm a Canterbury fan!', the child beamed.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
'Little Pr*ck from Lakemba Kills Beloved Family Pet.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie Soward wasn't getting much game time with the Roosters and wanted out. Browny wanted him at Kagarah so he gave him a call and said "Come to St George, I will play you for the first half and then pull you off" Jamie was happy about this and and responded "That sounds great Browny all we get at the Roosters at half time is oranges"
Captain Moondog
Absolute Superstar
It's not really a joke I suppose but I still find it funny. Apparently Malcolm Fraser was introduced to Manly hooker Fred Jones. Fraser asked him what he did for a job. I'm a wharfie said Fred. I've got friends who work on the wharves said Malcolm. I don't ****in know any of them said Fred!
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