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Best RL jokes.

Discussion in 'Rugby League Forum' started by Rusty, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. Rusty

    Rusty Well-Known Member

    +45 /0
    Preferably ones you have come up with guys... this is my attempt from the souths match, when Greg 'Wheres my boat?' Inglis failed to score.

    I turned to the guys with me and noted "The only time Inglis crosses the line is in an argument with his wife." Boom Boom Tish....
  2. Dan

    Dan Kim Jong Dan Staff Member Administrator 2016 Tipping Competitor 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +7,736 /120
    Laurie Daley
  3. vidmar

    vidmar Well-Known Member 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +278 /0
    In years to come….A well known ex- Parra player is living in his house with his three children.

    One of the children asks "Daddy, why is my name Tries?"

    "Because when you were born I’d scored the most tries in a game I’d just played in!"

    The second child said "Daddy, why is my name Points?"

    The Legend replied "because when you were born I’d just scored the most points in a game I was playing in!"

    The third child came along, "Daddy?"

    "Yes, Head butting opponent?"


    Brian Smith seeing that the Roosters are struggling finally decided he needed a bit of help with his coaching... So he wandered down to have a chat with Wayne Bennett at training...

    He said "Wayne... I need help, tell me what I can do to turn this poor form around!!!"

    Wayne said "Look, Smithy, you've been around a long time...but I'll give you a tip. You have to make your players feel intelligent and they’ll then play intelligent... Wait I'll show you."

    Bennett says "Gaz, come over here big fella! Who is your mother and father's child, but it’s not your brother or sister?"

    Gaz has a little chuckle and says "That's easy...it's ME!", and he jogged back off to the boys.

    Brian is amazed...so he takes his new advice back to training.

    "Braith" he says..."Come over here mate?! Got a question for ya! Who is your mother and father's child, but it’s not your brother or sister...?"

    Braith looks really puzzled...concedes and says "Smithy. give me some time to think about it and I’ll get back to ya!"

    Coach Smith says "Alright. I'll ask you again tomorrow."

    Braith is really confused that night and decides to ask Gus Gould...he's a smart fella. So he calls him up...

    "Gus, its Braith, I got a question mate... Who is your mother and fathers child, but it's not your brother or sister...?! Its really got me puzzled."

    Gus says... "That's easy mate, it's ME!" Braith is a happy boy, so he goes back to training the next day ready to deliver the goods.

    Braith goes up to Smithy who asks the question again...

    "Alright Braith, who's your mother and fathers child but it's not your brother or sister!!!"

    Briath lets out a grin and says "That's too easy, I should have got it straight away!!! Its Gus Gould!!!!"

    Smithy snaps back knowing his team now has no hope at all for 2011...

    "No, you idiot!!! It’s Mark Gasnier!!!"
  4. Captain of the Gate

    Captain of the Gate Active Member

    +33 /0
    Me: Knock Knock
    Wayne Bennett: Who's There
    Me: Brian Smith
    Wayne Bennett: Brian Smith Who?
    Me: Oh don't talk about Brian Smith that way, the guy is having a tough enough time a it is
  5. Darren

    Darren Well-Known Member

    +560 /20
    Brain Transplant

    It was the year 2080, and a wealthy old man needed a brain transplant.
    His doctor told him he only had two brains on hand.

    One was of a professor and cost $10,000. The other was from the lately, but most dearly
    departed Choc Watmough and cost $500,000.

    "You're kidding me Doc. $500,000 - I know he was famous, but that's awfully expensive."

    "Look at what you're getting", said the doc, "it's never been used."
  6. manlyfan76

    manlyfan76 Parra Trolls are the best. Premium Member 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +8,049 /174
    What do Penriff supports use for protection whilst having sex?
    A bus shelter.
  7. Dan

    Dan Kim Jong Dan Staff Member Administrator 2016 Tipping Competitor 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +7,736 /120
    And their personalities
  8. Seaeagle63

    Seaeagle63 Active Member Premium Member 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +68 /2
    Picture the scene: Manly players at Brooky Oval prior to thge kick off against Penrith. The trainer runs out and says to the boys, "This should be an easy win fellas. The Panther players are all sweating like a Paedophile at a Wiggles Concert"

    Bomm Boom
  9. WAMF

    WAMF Well-Known Member

    +408 /0
    Tinkler receives a call from Gids on the Sunday night after a bruising encounter against Manly. "Chubs, this midget with a speech impediment comes up to me every home game to tell me he wants to buy a horse. He's a big knights fan, he goes to every game and I'm sending him over."

    The midget arrives and Tinkler asks the fan if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth," the midget replies. So Tinkler shows him a female.

    "Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So Tinkler picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.

    "Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So Tinkler again picks up the midget and shows him the horses eyes.

    "OK, what about the earsth?" Now Tinkler is starting to get pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time to show him the ears.

    "OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat." With that, Tinkler picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out.

    Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"
  10. dowdz

    dowdz Well-Known Member Premium Member 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +1,081 /12
    David Gallop
  11. bones

    bones Bones Knows

    +9,037 /102
    How do penrith supporters practice safe sex? They Lock the car doors.[hr]
    Why do Parramatta players keep the results of all their games on their car windshields?

    So they can park in the handicapped spaces.
  12. Cameron

    Cameron Cambo

    +669 /35
    St George signed Irish rugby sensation Rick O'Shea
    So it comes to the first trial and hes bouncing around the place in anticipation and Wayne Bennett pulls him a side pre match.
    "Rick its your first game and its only a trial so you are gonna start but im gonna pull you off at half time," the super coach explained

    Rick was shocked but looked pleasently surprised "Wow coach back in dublin they never did that for us the would just give us oranges."
  13. Berkeley_Eagle

    Berkeley_Eagle Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan

    +2,125 /14
    got these from RL.com

    City Rail have decided to start sponsoring Parramatta.
    City Rail think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

    Two boys are playing kick-to-kick in a park on the Eastern Suburbs
    when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the
    other boy grabbed a branch and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and
    twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack.

    A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
    interview the boy.
    'Young Rooster Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,' he starts
    writing in his notebook.

    'But I'm not an Rooster fan,' the little hero replied. '

    Sorry, since we are on the Eastern Suburbs, I just assumed you were,'
    said the reporter and starts again.

    'Young Rabbits Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, ...' he
    continued writing in his notebook.

    'I'm not a Rabbits fan either!', the boy said.

    'I assumed everyone in the Eastern Suburbs was either for the Rooster
    or the Rabbits.'

    'So what team DO you barrack for?' the reporter asked.

    'I'm a Canterbury fan!', the child beamed.
    The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

    'Little Pr*ck from Lakemba Kills Beloved Family Pet.'


    Jamie Soward wasn't getting much game time with the Roosters and wanted out. Browny wanted him at Kagarah so he gave him a call and said "Come to St George, I will play you for the first half and then pull you off" Jamie was happy about this and and responded "That sounds great Browny all we get at the Roosters at half time is oranges"
  14. Cameron

    Cameron Cambo

    +669 /35
    berks berks berks hahah no prizes for second see my jock above hahah
  15. Moondog

    Moondog What's up Darth? Premium Member 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +5,256 /51
    It's not really a joke I suppose but I still find it funny. Apparently Malcolm Fraser was introduced to Manly hooker Fred Jones. Fraser asked him what he did for a job. I'm a wharfie said Fred. I've got friends who work on the wharves said Malcolm. I don't ****in know any of them said Fred!
  16. Jonesyv2

    Jonesyv2 Active Member

    +59 /0

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