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Need some footy jokes to get through the offseason.

Discussion in 'Rugby League Forum' started by mickqld, Sep 25, 2010.

  1. mickqld

    mickqld Sack Greenslime 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    How many Stg-Illawarra Dragons fans work for the Psychic Network?

    None. They can't talk about the future...they only talk about the past.
     
  2. mickqld

    mickqld Sack Greenslime 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    What do the Eels and Shia Islam have in common?


    They are both shiite.
     
  3. Ryan

    Ryan Well-Known Member

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    Cronulla Sutherland.
     
  4. mickqld

    mickqld Sack Greenslime 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    Q: How does Wendell Sailor change a lightbulb?

    A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him
     
  5. mickqld

    mickqld Sack Greenslime 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    Q/ What is a description of confusion?


    A/ Fathers Day in Redfern.
     
  6. ManlyBacker

    ManlyBacker Winging it Staff Member

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    The Sharks had a lot of trouble at their home ground Toyota Stadium. Security guards caught a whole lot of fans jumping the fence - but they forced them to go back and continue to watch the game.

    Coach Ricky Stewart asked the players at their first training run to get in their usual positions and they all congregated under the goalposts.

    (with thanks to the bears)
     
  7. mickqld

    mickqld Sack Greenslime 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    A group of Manly players went to a pub one night for a quiet drink. At the bar was a ventriloquist who started making fun of rugby league players with his dummy. An angry Anthony Watmough stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"

    The ventriloquist started apologising to Watmough. Watmough looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!
     
  8. Berkeley_Eagle

    Berkeley_Eagle Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan 2016 Tipping Competitor

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  9. Berkeley_Eagle

    Berkeley_Eagle Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    Two boys are playing kick-to-kick in a park on the Eastern Suburbs
    when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the
    other boy grabbed a branch and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and
    twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack.

    A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
    interview the boy.
    'Young Rooster Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,' he starts
    writing in his notebook.

    'But I'm not an Rooster fan,' the little hero replied. '

    Sorry, since we are on the Eastern Suburbs, I just assumed you were,'
    said the reporter and starts again.

    'Young Rabbits Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, ...' he
    continued writing in his notebook.

    'I'm not a Rabbits fan either!', the boy said.

    'I assumed everyone in the Eastern Suburbs was either for the Rooster
    or the Rabbits.'

    'So what team DO you barrack for?' the reporter asked.

    'I'm a Canterbury fan!', the child beamed.
    The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

    'Little Pr*ck from Lakemba Kills Beloved Family Pet.'
     
  10. Jatz Crackers

    Jatz Crackers Moderator Staff Member

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    A goat known well amongst a number of under performing Manly players walked into a bar.

    The bartender asked, why the long face ?
     
  11. Ryan

    Ryan Well-Known Member

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    The goat came back with, "if you spent a night with Chris Bailey, you'd completely understand".

    Joking guys.....joking....
     
  12. Berkeley_Eagle

    Berkeley_Eagle Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    South Sydney
    MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION FORM

    NAME…………………………………………………………………….( 2 mistakes allowed )

    NAME…………………………………………………………………….( 2nd chance )

    ADDRESS………………………………………………………………………………………...
    (this means what is the name of the street your house is in and what is your house number.
    If unsure of either – check the phone book for details but look under your own name or you will get it wrong.)

    If address unknown – put a tick here:…………..

    DATE OF BIRTH………………………………..
    (What day does everybody sing happy birthday to you?)

    AGE……………..
    (How many years have they been singing it to you?)

    MOTHER’S NAME……………………….…………………....(Mum will NOT do. What is her REAL name?)

    FATHER’S NAME ( if known )…………………………………………………………...( NO SWEARING )

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR? YES / NO
    IS IT YOURS? YES / NO

    REGISTRATION NUMBER…………………………….(found on the piece of tin hanging from the bumper bar)

    DO YOU HAVE A DRIVERS LICENCE? YES / NO
    IS IT YOURS? YES / NO
    ARE YOU WEARING RABBITOHS CLOTHING ON LICENCE PHOTO? YES / NO

    COULD YOU DRIVE PLAYERS, MATCH COMMITTEE OR OTHER SUPPORTERS TO:
    a) HOME GAMES YES / NO
    b) AWAY GAMES (to keep costs down) YES / NO

    DO YOU HAVE A WASHING MACHINE? YES / NO
    WOULD YOU BE PREPARED TO HELP WASH OUR TEAM FOOTY GEAR? YES / NO
    (tick which……..socks….shorts….guernseys….jockstraps….han kies….bandages …. )

    DO YOU OWN A BEACH SHACK? YES / NO
    COULD WE USE IT FOR THE PLAYERS “END OF SEASON TRIP?” YES / NO

    DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN? YES / NO
    ARE THEY YOURS? YES / NO
    WOULD ANY OF THEM BE INTERESTED IN PLAYING FOR THE RABBITOHS? YES / NO
    a) BOYS YES / NO
    b) GIRLS YES / NO
    HOW OLD ARE THEY? 1 – 10, 11 – 20, 21 – 30, 31 – 40, or don’t know?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY LARGE FOOTBALL TROPHIES (no name tags ) THAT YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO DONATE TO THE CLUB FOR OUR TROPHY CABINET? YES / NO

    WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN ATTENDING OUR END OF SEASON DINNER? YES / NO
    COULD YOU BRING ANYTHING ALONG ON THE NIGHT?
    (e.g. fairy bread, party pies, cordial, plastic cups, jelly ) YES / NO

    ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? YES / NO
    WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO LEAD OUR SUPPORTERS IN PRAYER:
    a) BEFORE HOME GAMES? YES / NO
    b) BEFORE AWAY GAMES? YES / NO
    c) BEFORE WE PLAY THE SEA EAGLES? YES / NO
    d) START TO FINISH OF A SEA EAGLES GAME? YES /NO

    PART TWO – I.Q TEST

    1) PICK THE TV SHOW (circle the right name from the clues given )

    BLANKETY______________ Cheque / Blanket / Blanks / Donation / don’t know
    I DREAM OF_____________ a premiership / Darren Lockyer / Jeannie / having money / don’t know
    STAR TREK, THE NEXT____ Footy Show / NRL team / Salary Cap / Generation / don’t know
    GET_____________________ Wayne Bennett / Lost / rid of Taylor / Smart / don’t know
    HEY HEY IT’S ___________ a June Premiership / smoko / Saturday / another defeat / don’t know
    WHO WANTS TO BE _____ a Millionaire / a Souths member / stupid / Eddie Paea / don’t know

    2) PICK THE ODD ONE OUT ( circle the odd one from the lists below )

    FEBRUARY 30th / MAY 38th / JUNE 40th / OCTOBER 33rd / APRIL 1st / don’t know
    SPOON / SOON / MOON / BOON / CHEESE / GOON / SWOON / don’t know
    A, B, C, D, 4, E, F, G, H, I, don’t know
    ASOTASI / VAGANA / SUTTON / KIDWELL / WIDDERS / (one wasn’t poached from another club)
    TELSTRA / CUA STADIUM / ENERGYAUSTRALIA STADIUM / SUNCORP / BROOKVALE/ WEMBLEY / don’t know

    3) WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE?
    “I THINKS THE RABBITOHS IS THE BESTEST TEAM IN OSTRAYLIA”

    IS IT:
    a) BAD SPELING
    b) BAD GRAMMA
    c) BAD GRANDMA
    d) DON’T KNOW


    To find out if your membership application has been successful, please put a stamp on both sides of an envelope and leave one side blank. We will advise you by return mail.


    BONUS: Please list in order your preferred complimentary Souths Membership Surgery that comes with every successful membership application. We will try to allocate you a bed in an appropriate hospital, as one becomes available.

    a) MOUTH ENLARGEMENT. b) ONE EYE REMOVED.( left or right ) c) BRAIN REMOVED

    GOOD LUCK
     
  13. Berkeley_Eagle

    Berkeley_Eagle Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    The Cronulla Sharks squad just finished their pre training pep talk from Ricky. Words like passion, respect and pride were evident. The boys were pumped, ready to train the hardest they had all season.

    Finally Ricky said, "ok boys take your usual positions on the field"!

    ...The players then grouped up and stood in their in-goal...
     
  14. tractorboy

    tractorboy Member

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    I was told of this joke yesterday and have put it on facebook but for those that haven't seen it.
    The Cronulla Sharks now have a new telephone number. Its 1800 1 0 1 0 1 0. That 1800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.
     
  15. Nthn NSW

    Nthn NSW Active Member

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    Here's an oldie,but a goldie.....



    Two blokes from Townsville died and instead of Heaven they went to hell.In hell the Devil himself wanted the two blokes to suffer,so he turned the temperature hotter than normal.Later the devil went to check on them and found they were'nt worried by the heat.The devil asked"why are'nt you 2 hot?",one of the blokes said"we're from Townsville mate,we're used to heat".
    So the devil went off and thought to himself"I can't have these 2 blokes not suffering",so he turned the heat up more and went and checked on them again,only to find them not phased at all.
    The devil was filthy that they were'nt suffering by now and thought"If I turn the temperature to freezing these Townsville blokes won't be used to the cold".So once Hell was freezing the devil went to check on the 2 blokes,only to find them jumping,cheering and cooing out loud.
    The devil asked why they were cheering when it is so cold and they were used to the heat.

    The two blokes replied"When hell freezes over,it means one thing,the Nth QLD Cowboys have won the NRL Premiership"
     
  16. Guest

    Guest Guest

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    Two Parramatta supporters jump off a cliff, who wins? Society.

    Whats the difference between a Parramatta supporter and a park bench?  A park bench can support a family.

    A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Parramatta and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Parramatta fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Parramatta fans.

    Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
    The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Parramatta fan,” she replied.

    The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Parramatta fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a Manly fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears.
    "Mary, why are you a Manly fan?" My mum and dad were born and raised in Manly, so my mum is a Manly fan and my dad is a Manly fan, and so I'm a Manly fan too!"

    "Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Manly fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict and your brother was a car thief, what would you be then?"

    "Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Parramatta fan."

    What do you call two Parramatta supporters going off a cliff in a ute?

    A waste, you can fit another six in the back!

    What do Parramatta supporters use for birth control?

    Their personalities!

    Did you hear that Parramatta had to cancel the nativity scene at their annual xmas break up?

    As hard as they looked they could just NOT find three wise men and a virgin.

    Your stuck in a room with a Broncos, Storm and a Parramatta supporter. You have a shotgun with only 2 bullets...what do you do?

    Answer: Shoot the Parramatta supporter....TWICE!
     
  17. Volley

    Volley Well-Known Member

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    A Clown, two penguins, a midget and Beau Ryan all walk into a Pub.

    The bartender looks them over and asks, "what do you think this is, some kind of joke"?
     
  18. Darren

    Darren Well-Known Member

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    the Eagles get to training and the first thing Des says is guys take your positions


    Steve Matai immediately lays on the ground clutching some part of his body.
    Jamie Buhrer goes and sits down on the nearest bench.
    George leaves the ground and goes straight across to Brookie Maccas.
    Wolfie gets out his Santa suit as he is used to only wearing something once a year.
    Watmough drops whatever he has in his hands.
    Chris goes looking for his goat as he wishes to play lock on the weekend.
     
  19. Darren

    Darren Well-Known Member

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    Just bought a Roosters supporters pack. Received 1 scarf, 1 flag and a shirt. No cap though, apparently the club dont believe in them.
     
  20. effnic

    effnic Well-Known Member 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    Chris Bailey joins the pm's team.
     

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