Matabele
Journey Man
Here's an amusing little article by the team captain of my F7s team, the Rhinos.
Hard to fault really:
The Parramatta Eagles:
Over the past few years the Parramatta Eels have extended a helping hand to their struggling brethren on the North Shore.
We might have joined the competition in the same year of 1947 but the Manly club has really fallen on hard times, almost from the time they were comprehensively thrashed by a dominant Eels outfit in the 1982 and 1983 Grand Finals.
Sure they’ve snaffled a couple of lucky Premierships since those years of shame but for the most they’ve been a terrible rabble, and none more so than in recent years. Who can forget such stand out moments as the awful mergers with the Bears and them being booed out of the Central Coast, to ritual floggings involving 70 points or more?
As Parramatta is a club of charity, we seem to have taken pity on our northern rivals and have sent them a steady stream of players that have been superfluous to our needs. Here’s a summary of how our second Premier League side, the Parramatta Eagles, have fared in recent seasons.
Daniel Heckenberg:
Poor old Daniel. He wasn’t offered a contract by our club at the end of 2003 so he took the money on offer at Brookvale. Here is the prototype for the “honest toiler�. What this really means is that what he lacks in ability he tries to make up for by running around like a blue arsed fly.
Unfortunately for him, this year has seen him suffer injury to one of his six legs. His return from that calamity lasted one game before he took a hit to the shoulder and he hasn’t been sighted since. His return is listed as “indefinite� as is his standing in the NRL.
Michael Witt:
For a while he was our half, Witt. There were some that thought he even had something of a future and the papers talked him up so much that Wayne Bennett was hoodwinked into including him in the emerging Queenslander squad.
Such was the deviousness that some Eels even bemoaned his departure and called for Coach Smith’s head! Now we have Tim Smith, and Manly have a player that can kick goals and run in concentric circles on a football field whilst knocking the ball on. I think we’ll take Smith thanks.
Kylie Leuluai:
Our Premier League player of the year in 2003 and that’s pretty much where he should have stayed. As soon as Manly gave him higher honours he came to the attention of the judiciary and now he spends more time carrying the drinks than he does on the field.
At least he’s good for the obligatory “strongest man in League� headline during the dull off season. It sure makes for a difference from the normal “reformed Hopoate� stories that tended to emerge from those parts.
Kane Cleal:
You know what I think? It’s better for Manly when he cops one of his many suspensions. Why? Well, Kane would probably be struggling to get a run with the struggling 2005 version of the Wee Waa Panthers, such is the ‘talent’ he’s shown.
It seems his greatest claim to fame is giving away five dumb penalties a game and ripping the heads off Tigers. We shouldn’t expect too much more from a man that resembles a Neanderthal though, should we?
Scott Donald:
The man attracts so much attention for the number of tries that he scores. The only problem is that his “white men can’t jump� routine and his resemblance to a turnstile means that he concedes twice as many as he scores.
What’s the point of having the 7th best attack in the competition if you leak 751 points in a season to run second last in defence?
Shane Dunley
The man can hurl a good golly, as PJ Marsh can attest. That’s the problem though, isn’t it? Who would you rather have coming off the bench? The Origin representative in Marsh or the Angry Ant?
Jamie Lyon:
Some would have you believe he’s destined for Brookvale, but even we’re not THAT bad to inflict a horrible turncoat on the poor Sea Eagles. What is more likely is that his sabbatical to England will end with a return to the Gold Coast, where they have real beaches and shopping malls, not sewage strewn strips of pebbles and a decaying Corso.
So there you have it! The definitive answer to the sniggering Manly fans who think they’ve landed the next Willie Tonga. Suckers!!!
Hard to fault really:
The Parramatta Eagles:
Over the past few years the Parramatta Eels have extended a helping hand to their struggling brethren on the North Shore.
We might have joined the competition in the same year of 1947 but the Manly club has really fallen on hard times, almost from the time they were comprehensively thrashed by a dominant Eels outfit in the 1982 and 1983 Grand Finals.
Sure they’ve snaffled a couple of lucky Premierships since those years of shame but for the most they’ve been a terrible rabble, and none more so than in recent years. Who can forget such stand out moments as the awful mergers with the Bears and them being booed out of the Central Coast, to ritual floggings involving 70 points or more?
As Parramatta is a club of charity, we seem to have taken pity on our northern rivals and have sent them a steady stream of players that have been superfluous to our needs. Here’s a summary of how our second Premier League side, the Parramatta Eagles, have fared in recent seasons.
Daniel Heckenberg:
Poor old Daniel. He wasn’t offered a contract by our club at the end of 2003 so he took the money on offer at Brookvale. Here is the prototype for the “honest toiler�. What this really means is that what he lacks in ability he tries to make up for by running around like a blue arsed fly.
Unfortunately for him, this year has seen him suffer injury to one of his six legs. His return from that calamity lasted one game before he took a hit to the shoulder and he hasn’t been sighted since. His return is listed as “indefinite� as is his standing in the NRL.
Michael Witt:
For a while he was our half, Witt. There were some that thought he even had something of a future and the papers talked him up so much that Wayne Bennett was hoodwinked into including him in the emerging Queenslander squad.
Such was the deviousness that some Eels even bemoaned his departure and called for Coach Smith’s head! Now we have Tim Smith, and Manly have a player that can kick goals and run in concentric circles on a football field whilst knocking the ball on. I think we’ll take Smith thanks.
Kylie Leuluai:
Our Premier League player of the year in 2003 and that’s pretty much where he should have stayed. As soon as Manly gave him higher honours he came to the attention of the judiciary and now he spends more time carrying the drinks than he does on the field.
At least he’s good for the obligatory “strongest man in League� headline during the dull off season. It sure makes for a difference from the normal “reformed Hopoate� stories that tended to emerge from those parts.
Kane Cleal:
You know what I think? It’s better for Manly when he cops one of his many suspensions. Why? Well, Kane would probably be struggling to get a run with the struggling 2005 version of the Wee Waa Panthers, such is the ‘talent’ he’s shown.
It seems his greatest claim to fame is giving away five dumb penalties a game and ripping the heads off Tigers. We shouldn’t expect too much more from a man that resembles a Neanderthal though, should we?
Scott Donald:
The man attracts so much attention for the number of tries that he scores. The only problem is that his “white men can’t jump� routine and his resemblance to a turnstile means that he concedes twice as many as he scores.
What’s the point of having the 7th best attack in the competition if you leak 751 points in a season to run second last in defence?
Shane Dunley
The man can hurl a good golly, as PJ Marsh can attest. That’s the problem though, isn’t it? Who would you rather have coming off the bench? The Origin representative in Marsh or the Angry Ant?
Jamie Lyon:
Some would have you believe he’s destined for Brookvale, but even we’re not THAT bad to inflict a horrible turncoat on the poor Sea Eagles. What is more likely is that his sabbatical to England will end with a return to the Gold Coast, where they have real beaches and shopping malls, not sewage strewn strips of pebbles and a decaying Corso.
So there you have it! The definitive answer to the sniggering Manly fans who think they’ve landed the next Willie Tonga. Suckers!!!
