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The truth hurts


Well-Known Member
Jul 15, 2004
Here's an amusing little article by the team captain of my F7s team, the Rhinos.

Hard to fault really:

The Parramatta Eagles:

Over the past few years the Parramatta Eels have extended a helping hand to their struggling brethren on the North Shore.

We might have joined the competition in the same year of 1947 but the Manly club has really fallen on hard times, almost from the time they were comprehensively thrashed by a dominant Eels outfit in the 1982 and 1983 Grand Finals.

Sure they’ve snaffled a couple of lucky Premierships since those years of shame but for the most they’ve been a terrible rabble, and none more so than in recent years. Who can forget such stand out moments as the awful mergers with the Bears and them being booed out of the Central Coast, to ritual floggings involving 70 points or more?

As Parramatta is a club of charity, we seem to have taken pity on our northern rivals and have sent them a steady stream of players that have been superfluous to our needs. Here’s a summary of how our second Premier League side, the Parramatta Eagles, have fared in recent seasons.

Daniel Heckenberg:

Poor old Daniel. He wasn’t offered a contract by our club at the end of 2003 so he took the money on offer at Brookvale. Here is the prototype for the “honest toiler�. What this really means is that what he lacks in ability he tries to make up for by running around like a blue arsed fly.

Unfortunately for him, this year has seen him suffer injury to one of his six legs. His return from that calamity lasted one game before he took a hit to the shoulder and he hasn’t been sighted since. His return is listed as “indefinite� as is his standing in the NRL.

Michael Witt:

For a while he was our half, Witt. There were some that thought he even had something of a future and the papers talked him up so much that Wayne Bennett was hoodwinked into including him in the emerging Queenslander squad.

Such was the deviousness that some Eels even bemoaned his departure and called for Coach Smith’s head! Now we have Tim Smith, and Manly have a player that can kick goals and run in concentric circles on a football field whilst knocking the ball on. I think we’ll take Smith thanks.

Kylie Leuluai:

Our Premier League player of the year in 2003 and that’s pretty much where he should have stayed. As soon as Manly gave him higher honours he came to the attention of the judiciary and now he spends more time carrying the drinks than he does on the field.

At least he’s good for the obligatory “strongest man in League� headline during the dull off season. It sure makes for a difference from the normal “reformed Hopoate� stories that tended to emerge from those parts.

Kane Cleal:

You know what I think? It’s better for Manly when he cops one of his many suspensions. Why? Well, Kane would probably be struggling to get a run with the struggling 2005 version of the Wee Waa Panthers, such is the ‘talent’ he’s shown.

It seems his greatest claim to fame is giving away five dumb penalties a game and ripping the heads off Tigers. We shouldn’t expect too much more from a man that resembles a Neanderthal though, should we?

Scott Donald:

The man attracts so much attention for the number of tries that he scores. The only problem is that his “white men can’t jump� routine and his resemblance to a turnstile means that he concedes twice as many as he scores.

What’s the point of having the 7th best attack in the competition if you leak 751 points in a season to run second last in defence?

Shane Dunley

The man can hurl a good golly, as PJ Marsh can attest. That’s the problem though, isn’t it? Who would you rather have coming off the bench? The Origin representative in Marsh or the Angry Ant?

Jamie Lyon:

Some would have you believe he’s destined for Brookvale, but even we’re not THAT bad to inflict a horrible turncoat on the poor Sea Eagles. What is more likely is that his sabbatical to England will end with a return to the Gold Coast, where they have real beaches and shopping malls, not sewage strewn strips of pebbles and a decaying Corso.

So there you have it! The definitive answer to the sniggering Manly fans who think they’ve landed the next Willie Tonga. Suckers!!!


Winging it
Staff member
Jul 15, 2004
Just a mean mutha who will suffer when the slimeys bow out early in the Finals.


Well-Known Member
Nov 12, 2004
not much truth in the first few paragraphs. - a terrible rabble for most of the time since 1983. bar a couple of lucky snags.

in the 18 seasons manly have competed since:

Manly - Parra
Premierships: 2 - 1
Runners up: 2 - 0
Minor premierships: 4 - 1
Semi finals: 12 - 6
Bottom 5: 4 - 5
Years in a row without a semi final appearance: 3 - 10

I think this idiot needs to learn to research. Only since Superleage have we struggled, the first 15 years we were a much stronger team than those disgusting cretins.


Well-Known Member
Dec 13, 2004
Bulldos- Tonga, Ryan, Irvine, Armit

Raiders- Mogg, Hindmarsh, Schifcofske, Hodgson (the backrower)


UFO Hunter
Jul 15, 2004
He should more likly be writing an article titiled, "The league that Smith Built"

DVS Matt

Well-Known Member
Oct 29, 2004
interesting read, suited to people recovering from brain surgery....very boring!


Jun 7, 2005
Great post Fluffy. The Rhinos' captain's "creative" article deserves a fuller response.

Hecks - Yeah, will we see him again this season? Happy with this honest toiler, sad about the injury run.

Witt - A fairer comparison may be Witt v Morris, given they are the respective 5/8ths. Similar games, except one is a master goal-kicker. If he wants to compare halves, then Smith v Orford (hopefully). I'll be happy with Orford, thank you very much.

Leuluai - Perhaps the comparison should be Leuluai v Cannings (who was the more expensive part of the Parra/Manly swap). If he complains Leuluai hasn't been sighted much, then what can one say about Cannings?

Cleal - What can I say? Point taken

Donald - The prime complaint raised about Donald is his defense. Sadly both Burt and Grothe miss almost TWICE the proportion of their tackles as Donald - per NRL stats. People in glass houses.

Dunley - Who would I rather having coming off the bench between Dunley and Marsh. Well Dunley, actually.

Lyon - Best centre in the world and he would rather play country football than play for Smith. What does that say about Parra's coach?

Please pass on our thanks to the feeder club.


Well-Known Member
May 10, 2005
I'd love to hear what Aaron Cannings is doing with his Monaghan-esque salary over there.

sue ridgepipe

Active Member
Jul 18, 2004
i know vegas has declared his conditional love candy but........any chance for a threesome.

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