I keep having my profile on that dating website RSVP rejected. One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'. Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer. ------------------------------------------------------------------ A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!' The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you prick !' ------------------------------------------------------------------- why are women like clouds? eventually they go away and its a really nice day ------------------------------------------------------------------ Whats the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on. ------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat Chunky?' The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. 'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.' -------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big big red mark on her forehead. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's hilarious.... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks. Bad minton. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so lucky... Mine's still alive...' ----------------------------------------------------------------------- A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; 'no way, you won't bring it back.'
