1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Pumpkin juice the new calves' blood

Discussion in 'Rugby League Forum' started by Berkeley_Eagle, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. Berkeley_Eagle

    Berkeley_Eagle Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan

    +2,125 /14
    Pumpkin juice the new calves' blood

        By Warren Smith
        July 08, 2008

    AS the search continues for the ultimate legal performance enhancer, a terrible mistake has been made.
    Some have opted to grab the bull by the horns and inject a little calf's blood, which once whizzed through the blender can repair aching muscles faster than a massage from Megan Gale.

    Others, such as the Melbourne Storm, have invested in a device that works by, as the media release says, "promoting the flow of body fluids such as blood and lymph by its ability to specifically stimulate smooth muscle, arteries and lymphatic vessels using a specific patented electro-stimulation frequency".

    I think I need to use one to relieve the headache I have after reading that sentence.

    Not only does it make Israel Folau leap over tall buildings in a single bound, it gets the dishes squeaky clean as well.

    Kooky cow concoctions and quartz-infused flux capacitors aren't to everyone's liking, so some clubs have looked for something that's slightly more natural, and the product they've embraced is, you guessed it – pumpkin juice.

    Not only is pumpkin juice full of fibre and great for your digestion, you can rub it on your skin to get the full "Shayne Hayne Glow".

    No more worries about having to spend money and time on the tanning bed to get rid of that 'mid-winter milk bottle' look!

    There is, however, one side-effect if you over-indulge in this new, clinically tested, completely natural supplement.

    You see, your ability to make rational decisions at crucial moments may be impeded by what is known as the "off with your head, on with a pumpkin" effect.

    At this stage we have no proof, but having witnessed Bulldogs half-back Ben Roberts kicking the ball away to Souths on the first tackle of a set-of-six when the entire rugby league world thought they'd be going for a game-winning field goal last Monday night, I think we can safely assume he's been buying his pumpkin juice by the 44-gallon drum.

    The search for that extra edge has been going on in all sports for as long as they've been played, but as the label on the bottle says, everything in moderation, Ben, everything in moderation.

    We'll keep our eyes peeled for the next indication that somebody has been "guzzling the pumpkin", but for now it's back to the laboratory to break down the ingredients that make up Queensland's secret weapon – Origin Oranges.

Share This Page