A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly - pay me a compliment". The husband replies, "your eyesight's f*ckin' perfect".
My wife kept telling me how she was going to go in the army but they told her she had to put on weight. I asked her if she was still interested in joining the army. She said no and ask why. I replied with , Well , i suppose you can stop putting on weight now. I thought this was a quick and witty remark. the whole week in the spare room soon fixed that idea.
