Here's a few others..
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Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a coastal village in Ireland.
Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works - he was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time.
Sadly Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart.
One day he failed to come home, his wife contacted the Police to investigate him missing, they rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt beside him a huge grappel full of oysters he'd tried to hoist aboard.
Headlines next day in the Irish Times Newspaper: Oysters Kill Patrick.
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A guy goes into his local hardware store looking for some timber.
He finds the stuff he is after, and says to the assistant, "I'd like some of that timber please."
The assistant asks, "How long would you like it?"
The guy replies, "Oh, I plan to keep it."
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Yesterday a severe stutterer was sent to prison for drink driving.
He was given six months but the police don’t think he will finish his sentence.
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Q: What has four legs and no ears?
A: Mike Tyson’s dog.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
Doc: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
Man: "Is it common?"
Doc: "It's not unusual."
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
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