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Mid week quikie joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by Jatz Crackers, Apr 30, 2008.

  1. Jatz Crackers

    Jatz Crackers Moderator Staff Member

    +1,474 /8
    One day, long, long ago.......

    there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

    But this was a long time ago.......

    and it was just that one day.

    The End
  2. Fro

    Fro Well-Known Member

    +301 /0
    you are just making it up Jatz, theres no such woman :)
  3. ssar

    ssar Well-Known Member

    +220 /4
    (This one wouldn't exactly be considered "Politically Correct" by some, and isn't suitable for young children, but it doesn't contain any swear words.)


    Why did the Pope want World Youth Day at Randwick Racecourse?

    'Cause it is the only place you can legally ride a 3 year old.
  4. ssar

    ssar Well-Known Member

    +220 /4
    Here's a few others..


    Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a coastal village in Ireland.

    Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works - he was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time.

    Sadly Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart.

    One day he failed to come home, his wife contacted the Police to investigate him missing, they rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt beside him a huge grappel full of oysters he'd tried to hoist aboard.

    Headlines next day in the Irish Times Newspaper: Oysters Kill Patrick.


    A guy goes into his local hardware store looking for some timber.

    He finds the stuff he is after, and says to the assistant, "I'd like some of that timber please."

    The assistant asks, "How long would you like it?"

    The guy replies, "Oh, I plan to keep it."


    Yesterday a severe stutterer was sent to prison for drink driving.

    He was given six months but the police don’t think he will finish his sentence.


    Q: What has four legs and no ears?

    A: Mike Tyson’s dog.


    A jump-lead walks into a bar.

    The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."


    Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."

    Doc: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

    Man: "Is it common?"

    Doc: "It's not unusual."


    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

    One says, "I've lost my electron."

    The other says, "Are you sure?"

    The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

  5. Nutzcraw

    Nutzcraw Active Member

    +4 /0
    Well Jatz.

    You certainly got Ssar started
  6. ssar

    ssar Well-Known Member

    +220 /4
    A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
    Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
    One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

    Have you any grounds?
    Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

    No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
    It made of concrete.

    I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
    No, we have carport, and not need one.

    I mean. What are your relations like?
    All my relations still in Poland .

    Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
    We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

    Does your wife beat you up?
    No, I always up before her.

    Is your wife a nagger?
    No, she white.

    Why do you want this divorce?
    She going to kill me.
    What makes you think that? I got proof.

    What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
    I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'.

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