Man cuts off own penis in busy restaurant

[fLIP]

A MAN cut off his own penis with a large knife in front of diners at a busy London restaurant.

Witness Stuart McMahon, who was eating at Zizzi in the Strand with his girlfriend on Sunday, told the Sun: "This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about.

"Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out.

"Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it."

Police said a man in his 30s was taken to a south London hospital where his condition was stable today.

 

[CliffyIsGod]

I wouldn't even be able to do that in a kitchen.

I would need access to a hardware store where I could get access to a chainsaw.

 

[Utility Player]

It would be enough to put you off your bangers and mash.

 

[clontaago]

You could cut yours off with a potato peeler couldnt Cliffy?

 

[fLIP]

The chainsaw is to get through the chastity belt. You could just pluck from there on.

 

[Normie]

I suppose they will be taking their dessert speciality off the menu now - "Spotted Dick" :dance:

 

[CliffyIsGod]

Chainsaw the whole way, fellas.

 

[clontaago]

Reminds me of that Welsh Rugby supporter a year or so ago

A Welsh rugby fan has spoken out about how he hacked off his own testicles after his team beat England.
Geoffrey Huish, 31, took an agonising ten minutes to perform the op using a pair of blunt wire cutters, says the Sun.
Then he put his severed parts in a blue plastic bag and staggered to a social club to tell fellow Wales fans what he'd done.
Jobless Geoffrey finally collapsed with blood pouring from his groin as horrified drinkers put his testicles in a pint glass of ice.
They were handed to paramedics who rushed him to hospital - but surgeons could not sew them back.

Geoffrey, of Senghenydd, spent several months in a psychiatric unit as experts tried to fathom his actions.

He said: “I’d told my pal Gethin Probert before the game that Wales didn’t stand a chance. It wasn’t a bet, but I said I’d cut my balls off if we won...

“So I started hacking away at my tackle. It took about ten minutes and there was quite a lot of pain — but I just kept going.

“The cutters were blunt so I had to keep snipping. I cut my penis as well. There was a lot of blood but not as much as you would expect.”

He added: “I think about what happened every day and still haven’t come up with a good reason why. I’d had a lot going on and felt a bit down. I can’t have kids now, but still want a family. Maybe I’ll adopt.”

 

[Utility Player]

I can’t have kids now

Perhaps not such a bad thing

 

[Nutzcraw]

Cutting off my dick with a knife wouldn't be a problem.

The problem is trying to get hold off one of those whale hoists to remove it once it's off. 8)

 

[Narcissus]

The problem is trying to get hold off one of those whale hoists to remove it once it's off. 8)

No doubt Dan will lend you his: he has to use it every Sunday morning to remove the girls he takes home the night before...

 

[PJ]

reminds me of a joke....

A mother and her young son were driving behind Lorena Bobbit just after just had chopped of her husbands ‘member’.
When she threw it out the window it hit the windscreen of the mothers car behind.
Trying to avoid embarrassment she turned to her young son and said, “that was a big grasshopper.”
To which the son replied, “Yeah, but did you see the size of it's co ck ?”

 

[Nutzcraw]

PJ. i think i told that one not too long ago

 

[Dan]

[quote author=Nutzcraw]
The problem is trying to get hold off one of those whale hoists to remove it once it's off. 8)

No doubt Dan will lend you his: he has to use it every Sunday morning to remove the girls he takes home the night before...

[/quote]


YEah its easier to move all 3 of the girls at once than it is to take them tot eh door separately!

 

[PJ]

PJ. i think i told that one not too long ago

sorry nutz some days i can't get into the forums on this computer so must have missed it

 

[The Gronk]

Which one is more disturbing?

Man chops off head with chainsaw

A man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after stabbing his 70-year-old father to death in their apartment in the German city of Cologne, police said.

The body of the offender, 24, was found headless when police raced to the apartment after an emergency call, apparently from the dying father, had been broken off in mid-sentence.

Alf Willwacher, a senior prosecutor, said an electric chainsaw was next to the son's body.

"We do not believe any third party was involved,'' he said.

Neighbours said the father and son had been reclusive since the death of the mother, allegedly by suicide, several years ago.