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Friday's joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by Guest, Aug 8, 2008.

  1. Guest

    Guest Guest

    +0 /0
    Kevin Rudd called Julia Gillard into his office one day and said,

    'Julia,I have a great idea!  We are going to go all out to win the country voters.'

    'Good idea Leader, how will we go about it?' said Julia.

    'Well,' said Rudd, 'we'll get ourselves one of those Driza Bone coats,

    some RM Williams boots, a stick and an Akubra hat.

    Oh, and a blue cattle dog. Then we'll really look the part.

    We'll go to a typical old outback country pub, we'll show we really enjoy the bush.'

    'Right.' Said Julia.

    Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite blue heeler, they set off from Canberra in a westerly direction.

    Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub.

    They walked in with the dog and up to the bar.

    'G'day mate,' said Rudd to the bartender, 'two middies of your best beer.'

    'Good afternoon Leader,' said the bartender, 'two middies of our best coming up.'

    Gillard and Rudd stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again

    to whoever came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.

    All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stockwhip.

    He walked up to the cattle dog, lifted its tail with the whip and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.

    A few moments later, in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked up to the dog and lifted its tail,looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar.

    Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five stockmen came in and lifted the dogs tail and went away looking puzzled.

    Eventually, Rudd and Gillard could stand it no longer and called the barman over.

    'Tell me,' said Rudd, 'why did all those old stockmen come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?'

    'Strewth no!' said the barman.

    'Someone told 'em there was a cattle dog in the bar with two arseholes!'
  2. Canteen Worker

    Canteen Worker Well-Known Member

    +215 /5
    You didn't tell me that Peter Costello and John Howard were in the same pub, drinking with them as well?  :) :) :)
  3. Guest

    Guest Guest

    +0 /0
    I was waiting for that. 

    I thought that you might also hvae said that you preferred the original version with John Howard, Peter Costello and the dog better.  ;D
  4. Canteen Worker

    Canteen Worker Well-Known Member

    +215 /5
    It's a good joke, whichever way it goes.
  5. ssar

    ssar Well-Known Member

    +220 /4
    Why didn't Eamon Sullivan win gold in Beijing?

    Because he stopped eating rice.
  6. ssar

    ssar Well-Known Member

    +220 /4
    The Photo on the Night Stand

    After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of  another man on her nightstand by the bed.

    He begins to worry.. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

    'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

    'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

    'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

    'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

    'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.

    'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

    'That's me before my surgery.'
  7. ssar

    ssar Well-Known Member

    +220 /4
    Q: What do you get when you cross The Atlantic with The Titanic?

    A: About halfway.
  8. Dan

    Dan Kim Jong Dan Staff Member Administrator 2016 Tipping Competitor 2017 Tipping Competitor

    +7,733 /120
    I like that one
  9. clontaago

    clontaago Well-Known Member

    +170 /1
    I like that one.
  10. Guest

    Guest Guest

    +0 /0
    SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE                                           

    What is a Yankee?                                                       
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.                       
    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?                   
    The position of the dirt bag.                                           
    What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room   
    100 people who don't do dick.                                           
    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?                   
    20 kgs.                                                                 
    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?                 
    45 minutes.                                                             
    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?                               
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.                                   
    Why do men want to marry virgins?                                       
    They can't stand criticism.                                             
    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and 
    Because those men already have boyfriends.                             
    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?             
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.                     
    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?         
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of     
    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?                                     
    Pepper spray will do that to you ..                                     
    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?                       
    Breasts don't have eyes.                                               
    Why is there no Disneyland in China ?                                   
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.                           
  11. ManlyBacker

    ManlyBacker Winging it Staff Member

    +972 /7
    How do you get rid of an investment banker from your front porch?

    Pay him for your pizza.
  12. eagle_predator

    eagle_predator Active Member

    +0 /0
    good one
  13. eagle_predator

    eagle_predator Active Member

    +0 /0
    Gold lol

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