1. Blaming your farts on me ... not funny ... not funny at all. 2. Yelling at me for barking ... I'm a friggin' DOG! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out . Exactly whose walk is it anyway? 4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it! 5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are not at home. 6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit. 7. Taking me to the vet for the 'Big Snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back there. 8. Getting upset when I sniff your guests' crotches. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet. 9. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?! 10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.