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Amazingly simple home remedies

Dan

Kim Jong Dan
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1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto...... the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by Simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for A few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use A timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you From rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6 . If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you Will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will Forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move but does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan or carry your coffin!
 

Volley

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GOLD, but I especially liked this one

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by Simply using the sink.
 

Dan

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yup that one made me reach for the nurofen as I flared up the ribs
 

Volley

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Yeah I know what you mean, my indigestion is terrible atm.
 

Canteen Worker

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He's got broken ribs coz he is a pussy on the soccer field!!!!! Nurofen eh - what are you going to take for your period pain????

:lol: :lol: :lol:
 

Dan

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He's got broken ribs coz he is a pussy on the soccer field!!!!! Nurofen eh - what are you going to take for your period pain????

:lol: :lol: :lol:


Not sure but it sounds like you have some tips!
 

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