Melbourne Storm - Delta Goodrem. Tidy, attractive, professional and uncontroversial. Nice to look at, but for some reason just makes you want to yawn. St George -Illawarra Dragons - Elle MacPherson. Past her glorious best but still easy on the eye and an old favourite with most. Souths Rabbitohs - Whitney Houston. Has not looked after herself in recent years and has gone completely off the rails. Sydney Roosters - Amelie Mauresmo. Last woman on Earth scenario : you still wouldn't. Parramatta Eels - Katie Holmes. Has a certifiable psycho in charge of her every move. Has lost credibility in recent times. Wests Tigers - Britney Spears. At times can look stunning, at others It can get ugly. Canterbury Bulldogs - Christina Aguilera. Looks like she enjoys it rough and dirty. NZ Warriors - Paris Hilton. Lays down way too easily. Canberra Raiders - Princess Diana. May be a blue blood, but hasn't done anything for a while. Brisbane Broncos - Madonna. Also past her glorious best, but refuses to accept it gracefully. Cronulla Sharks - Jenna Jamieson. Can cop a pounding and keep coming back for more. Penrith Panthers - Krystal from Big Brother. Has the biggest and best assets going around, but we all know they're not the real deal. North Queensland Cowboys - J-Lo. Quality all over, but especially good down back. Newcastle - Kylie Minogue. Very decent despite not having much up front. Gold Coast Titans - The Olsen Twins. Not ready to go yet but shaping quite well. Manly Sea Eagles - Rikki Lake. Everyone used to hate her but now she is met with little more than indifference.