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Ponderisms

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by PJ, Mar 16, 2006.

  1. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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    * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
    people die of natural causes.

    · * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
    removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
    out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

    · * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to
    buy a replacement.

    · * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

    · * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

    · * Life is sexually transmitted.

    · * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    · * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    · * Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
    you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

    · * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
    dying of nothing.

    · * Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no
    one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    · * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    · * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
    attention to criticism.

    · * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
    world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    · * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
    takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    · * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
    squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    · * Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm
    gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

    · * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    · * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
    him?

    · * Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
    don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    · * Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
    are going to look up there anyway?

    · * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    · * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    · * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    · * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
    mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
    the window?

    · * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
    faster?

    · * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
     
  2. Fluffy

    Fluffy Well-Known Member

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    If vegetable oil comes from vegetables where does baby oil come from?



    Tests therefore must be testsical which isnt a word

    Pushing the elevator button more than once can only help if the contact was not made previously - same with and buttons like that.

    As for the glue - well it reacts with the oxygen in the air - of wich there is not sufficiant amounts inside the bottle. Most bottles slowly allow air to penetrate and hence will go off over a long enough period of time.
     
  3. Utility Player

    Utility Player Well-Known Member

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    PJ you are one sick puppy :lol:
     
  4. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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    PJ you are one sick puppy :lol:

    [/quote]

    Yeah there is a bit of a woman shortage out in the sticks ;)
     

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