Alright ladies and Gents this is an old favourite joke of mine... it is not found on the net (as far as i know) and is just one i have been telling for years.. thought i'd try it out on ya's 3 Farmers are sitting up at the bar of the local pub.. after a few beers each they start arguing about who has the better Dog. One farmer is saying "mate, my dog would be much better than any of yours".. the other 2 are arguing otherwise and so on. So the bartender says "look boys, if your real keen. why don't you go home grab your dogs and we'll sort it out in the back paddock here.. there is sheep and what not and we should be able to prove it!" So off go the farmers back home to retrieve their respective dogs... an hour later all 3 return and head out the back paddock. The bartender then says "Alright boys, show us what your dogs can do" So, the first farmer sez to his dog "Go Boy!!" and the dog begins to do a few tricks.. the rollover, plays dead, sits, lies down etc... then returns to his master and sits beside him. The bartender says "that's pretty impressive all you have to do is say is Go Boy and it does all those tricks for you.. very good, ok who's next" So, the second farmer whistle's and off goes the dog to where the sheeps are being held.. while the dog is running off the bartender says "what's he gonna do?" .. the farmer replies "he is going to find me the biggest sheep out of the lot and bring it back" ... so they watch the dog and it's pulling out a tape measure and sizing up these sheep and everything and brings back the biggest sheep out of the herd and sits beside his owner. The bartender says "jesus, that is impressive... he can use a tape measure and he found the biggest sheep out of the lot of em.. wow that is impressive!" Then points to the last farmer and sez "ok your turn" So, the third farmer just clicks his fingers.. and off goes the dog down to the local general store picks up some bacon, some eggs, some baked beans and some bread and returns to the men.. starts a fire, cooks the bacon.. has a pot full of baked beans cooking.. starts boiling the eggs... and browns the bread. After a few minutes everything is cooked... he serves up the bacon, baked beans and boiled eggs and a couple of pieces of toast then goes to his owner and sits on his head! The bartender is absolutely bewildered he says " mate, your kidding.. that is the most impressive thing i have seen from a dog ever!! ... That is one hell of a dog but why does it sit on it's head afterwards" ... the farmer turns to the bartender and says "well mate, i'm gonna need an eggcup!"