Tough 12 months.

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lsz

First Grader
Staff member
Mate thank you I will do. It’s very common now for men in there 40s
Please do. It is funny how long some of us have been on here without realising what a community there is

There have been so many that have helped me at various times (either via messages , support even tickets to games) and one person who o have even started a business with
 

wombatgc

KT 623
Premium Member
Tipping Member
Hi all, used to be a regular poster on here.
But about 12 months ago, my wife of 24 years left me. Been an awful time.
I am 45 years old, been quite hard. The seeing my teenage kids less, being forced to sell family home hit me up with lawyers forcing me to sell.
The financial is worst, I am asked to pay 21k in school fees as private agreement. Well above my wage amount. It has taken me 12 months to get the guts to see a lawyer.
See my teenage kids probably 20 percent of time. And live with my parents again.
I really took to heavy drinking for last 8 months getting drunk 3 to 4 times a week.
Family home was sold in November, she never wanted to do counselling and made intentions clear it was over.
I tried to get back into dating game with few woman but simply a shadow of myself and need to heal. I need to get off drink, I have started going to f45.
Asking any posters who been through similar what is timeline to heal ?
I read your post on Sunday night, and re-read it. I consider myself as a mental health advocate. But I fell into the trap of overthinking the situation, instead of saying what I have learnt to date. And tbh, I was pissed off at myself that I didn’t say anything on Sunday night. Then this video appeared on my feed. And I watched it and, even though it’s not the same situation as yours, it is in the mental health ball park. I hope you get some comfort and peace from it. I certainly did.

 

Marto1970

Reserve Grader
Have travelled down the same road, it is a huge kick in the guts , what was once normal life is just tipped upside down, you need to give yourself a break ,the drink , the need to find someone else , all normal responses but it is good you have recognised they are not helping you, first you have to be happy with yourself, I'm no counsellor, 2nd marriage 16yrs , Brady bunch family 5 boys first Granddaughter, life is great, the road is rocky but it is worth it , every day your feet hit the floor is a good day
 

Ryan

Journey Man
Hi all, used to be a regular poster on here.
But about 12 months ago, my wife of 24 years left me. Been an awful time.
I am 45 years old, been quite hard. The seeing my teenage kids less, being forced to sell family home hit me up with lawyers forcing me to sell.
The financial is worst, I am asked to pay 21k in school fees as private agreement. Well above my wage amount. It has taken me 12 months to get the guts to see a lawyer.
See my teenage kids probably 20 percent of time. And live with my parents again.
I really took to heavy drinking for last 8 months getting drunk 3 to 4 times a week.
Family home was sold in November, she never wanted to do counselling and made intentions clear it was over.
I tried to get back into dating game with few woman but simply a shadow of myself and need to heal. I need to get off drink, I have started going to f45.
Asking any posters who been through similar what is timeline to heal ?
Hey mate, someone I care about pointed this thread out to me tonight. I'm sorry I missed it, I don't come into this section.

That's really rough, having the rug pulled from completely underneath you. There are so many intangibles you didn't even go into there (like splitting of friendship groups, extended family connections and all that).

The tough part, is no-one really knows how you feel, because no-one's walked a mile in your shoes. I bet you've had some pretty damned hard / dark thought processes too over this period.

Of course we all remember you, mate. I was only thinking about you the other day - not gonna lie, at our ages I think, jeez I hope they haven't dropped off the perch.

I agree that fitness is such bloody good therapy. The difficulty is starting, getting in a routine, and keeping it up! Wait until you start getting compliments mate !! You'll feed off it.

But here's the tough news. They are your family. You'll likely never be "over it". Focus on rebuilding a connection with the chillies mate. They are what matters. Regardless of your history or past with them or their mother, tomorrow is a new day, and change can happen, it's just up to you to make it.

Anyways, please reach out to me any time. I can 100% empathise with you, and I'm a good listener. Remember this buddy, we are a community here. Okay, maybe a dysfunctional community, but a community none the less haha.

Remember. You always have the ability to draw a line in the sand, and begin anew tomorrow. Focus on your kids mate. And yourself. Be a little.sekfish. Diet. Workout. Play squash with a mate. Tennis.

And agree, maybe don't try and date again, until you learn to love yourself again buddy.
 

Uber Eagle 72

Reserve Grader
Premium Member
@winnyason wishing you all the best! Life can be so cruel sometimes but I think at the end of the day you are ultimately only responsible for how you respond to whatever life dishes out to you! This is all you can control… I have not experienced this particular situation but know others who have and know that if you hold strong you will certainly see better days…. Hang in there mate… so nice to read some of the other responses you have received from other posters
 

winnyason

Bencher
I read your post on Sunday night, and re-read it. I consider myself as a mental health advocate. But I fell into the trap of overthinking the situation, instead of saying what I have learnt to date. And tbh, I was pissed off at myself that I didn’t say anything on Sunday night. Then this video appeared on my feed. And I watched it and, even though it’s not the same situation as yours, it is in the mental health ball park. I hope you get some comfort and peace from it. I certainly did.

Thank you my friend sorry for late response. Needed some time out, been trying to be kind to myself. I think jumping on your instagrams, facebooks, YouTube’s can really spiral headspace. Walking, reading, hanging with friends and kids, family.
 

winnyason

Bencher
Hey mate, someone I care about pointed this thread out to me tonight. I'm sorry I missed it, I don't come into this section.

That's really rough, having the rug pulled from completely underneath you. There are so many intangibles you didn't even go into there (like splitting of friendship groups, extended family connections and all that).

The tough part, is no-one really knows how you feel, because no-one's walked a mile in your shoes. I bet you've had some pretty damned hard / dark thought processes too over this period.

Of course we all remember you, mate. I was only thinking about you the other day - not gonna lie, at our ages I think, jeez I hope they haven't dropped off the perch.

I agree that fitness is such bloody good therapy. The difficulty is starting, getting in a routine, and keeping it up! Wait until you start getting compliments mate !! You'll feed off it.

But here's the tough news. They are your family. You'll likely never be "over it". Focus on rebuilding a connection with the chillies mate. They are what matters. Regardless of your history or past with them or their mother, tomorrow is a new day, and change can happen, it's just up to you to make it.

Anyways, please reach out to me any time. I can 100% empathise with you, and I'm a good listener. Remember this buddy, we are a community here. Okay, maybe a dysfunctional community, but a community none the less haha.

Remember. You always have the ability to draw a line in the sand, and begin anew tomorrow. Focus on your kids mate. And yourself. Be a little.sekfish. Diet. Workout. Play squash with a mate. Tennis.

And agree, maybe don't try and date again, until you learn to love yourself again buddy.
Thanks Ryan mate I appreciate taking time to reply, we always had great relationship. As noted before needed some time out this week really find the jumping in fb, instagram, YouTube have the algorithms that feed you headspace in negative.
Look it’s tough mate, I really never get over it your right. I will always hold that part of my heart to her. Trouble is have engaged in some dating and everything compares to her. I reconnected with first girl since wife after 3 months break and just too fragile to deal with it, there something there but I am not in headspace to try. I think I am not over my wife.
Mate I love this joint not been on here enough, life been in spiral and watch eagles and get angry at our edge defence down Garrick side on so tilt mentality it becomes too much.
Fitness helps as do mates and family. But your right timelines are tough to really gauge 24 years I am going to need more time.
My kids have helped my alot.
 

winnyason

Bencher
@winnyason wishing you all the best! Life can be so cruel sometimes but I think at the end of the day you are ultimately only responsible for how you respond to whatever life dishes out to you! This is all you can control… I have not experienced this particular situation but know others who have and know that if you hold strong you will certainly see better days…. Hang in there mate… so nice to read some of the other responses you have received from other posters
Mate I am so happy to see fellow eagles fans support. Actually a bit teary. This joint is amazing and eagles fan have always been so hardy.
I think sometimes things happen for a reason. I love my kids that I know I should focus on that and me.
 

winnyason

Bencher
Have travelled down the same road, it is a huge kick in the guts , what was once normal life is just tipped upside down, you need to give yourself a break ,the drink , the need to find someone else , all normal responses but it is good you have recognised they are not helping you, first you have to be happy with yourself, I'm no counsellor, 2nd marriage 16yrs , Brady bunch family 5 boys first Granddaughter, life is great, the road is rocky but it is worth it , every day your feet hit the floor is a good day
Thank you, I know I am a good person. Just need to heal and find me. The drink is really demonic when your going through this
 
Hi all, used to be a regular poster on here.
But about 12 months ago, my wife of 24 years left me. Been an awful time.
I am 45 years old, been quite hard. The seeing my teenage kids less, being forced to sell family home hit me up with lawyers forcing me to sell.
The financial is worst, I am asked to pay 21k in school fees as private agreement. Well above my wage amount. It has taken me 12 months to get the guts to see a lawyer.
See my teenage kids probably 20 percent of time. And live with my parents again.
I really took to heavy drinking for last 8 months getting drunk 3 to 4 times a week.
Family home was sold in November, she never wanted to do counselling and made intentions clear it was over.
I tried to get back into dating game with few woman but simply a shadow of myself and need to heal. I need to get off drink, I have started going to f45.
Asking any posters who been through similar what is timeline to heal ?
Champ, give yourself the time that you need to heal. Being with family is vital, particularly your parents, and you will be seeing your children a whole lot more soon too. Not only are you entitled, but I am certain they love you beyond anything, and you are always their Dad. I encourage and support you to be the best possible version of yourself. On that, great stuff in commencing F45 too. I admire your courage and wisdom in sharing this with us all. There are some great positive thinking videos and literature available, fill your mind with this good stuff. You are also part of the same thing we all are as Sea Eagles. Please feel free to lean on me anytime, always happy to be there for another, particularly a Sea Eagle family member too. For me it's God and family, so I'll send you my best thoughts from that place.
 
Team P W L PD Pts
12 9 3 83 22
13 10 3 80 22
13 9 4 110 20
12 7 5 64 18
12 7 5 -37 18
13 7 6 133 16
13 7 6 81 16
13 7 6 47 16
13 7 6 -34 16
13 6 6 27 15
13 6 6 26 15
14 7 7 -26 14
13 6 7 -47 14
13 4 9 -111 10
12 3 9 -123 10
12 3 9 -136 10
12 2 10 -137 8
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