From: The Sunday Telegraph March 07, 2010 1:08AM 16 commentsIncrease Text SizeDecrease Text SizePrintEmail Share A FOR ATROCITIES Since the beginning of time, footballers have played up. However, camera phones are a bad mix with the current players. This has been a quiet summer. Oh, I forgot, there is a week to go. B FOR BROHMAN They say no one is bigger than the game, but at 145kg of rippling muscle, I beg to differ. I continue to give it to dancing gums Hadley and that jibberer Robbie. Add to that my outstanding efforts on 2GB, my brilliant Lowes commercials as well as my resurrection on the Footy Show, and it is clear, I have become a worldwide phenomo...phenoo...phenomm...star. C FOR CARNEY Is it possible for this serial offender to become a role model? My mail is he is now going to church every Sunday as well as giving up the grog, the punt and the sex. God, he is boring. D FOR DAVID GALLOP He has been an outstanding success as leader. He is getting on and I am predicting he will retire from downhill skiing from here on in. E FOR ENTERTAINMENT We have all the bad boys returning, in Carney, Greg Bird and Tim Smith, as well as big Willie transferring to the Cowboys. Add to that probably the most wide open comp in decades and I would defy anyone to confidently predict who will get the wooden spoon. How good is it? F FOR FITZGERALD For the first time in years, Fitzy will not be in charge of his beloved Eels. However, I am tipping he will continue to turn up at games just to keep annoying the people responsible for his downfall. G FOR GOLDEN POINT I thought it was a great idea. I now hate it! It has become a field goal-athon. Refs are too scared to award a penalty, plus I have to get home to spend some quality time with Darling. H FOR HANGOVERS If it wasn't for alcohol, there is no way I would have got married. Most people don't have a personality until they have had half a dozen schooners or so. I FOR INGLIS A Queenslander, born and bred in Macksville. I am informed he was the heaviest player in the Australian team that won the Four Nations. J FOR JARRYD A lot of the interest in the game comes down to Hayne's brilliant 2009. You can get $14 on him winning back-to-back Dally Ms. Get On! K FOR KING Isn't it great to have Wally Lewis back on tele? Given his problems over the past decade or so, it is just wonderful to see his health improving almost on a daily basis. Long live the King. L FOR LOVE I love Benji, Jarryd, Kurt G, eating, drinking, Cam, Billy, the Panthers, Bulldogs and Sharks, Beau Ryan, money, mum and dad, punting, watching Super Saturday, Laurie Daley, Chimes, The Wizard, Darling and the kids and Top Deck. M FOR MANLY Can they bounce back after a horrendous 2009? I think they will be competitive, but so much depends on Brett Stewart. Time will tell. N FOR NIGHT FOOTY I like it, but the NRL must program more Sunday games. Some of the best footy in years was played last year on Sunday arvo. Who could forget the Tigers-Souths game at the SCG. Let's get rid of the second Friday night game and have it on Sunday afternoon. You with me? O FOR ORANGES The halftime entertainment leaves a lot to be desired. I am calling on Richard Fisk to publish a booklet that lists the stuff he has produced over the years. He was responsible for the world famous marching girls and baton twirlers in club colour. Outstanding marketing, Fisky! P FOR POOPED That is exactly how I will feel after writing this great column. Q FOR QUEENSLANDER Winning five series in a row would be beautiful. Imagine the look on Robbie's (the Immortal) face when we hammer you blokes again. There is nothing more satisfying than giving it to that imbo. God I love my job! R FOR RABBITS Not the Bunnies, but the great man Ray (Rabbits) Warren. ( If you can read this in Rabbit's voice, it would be appreciated).What an outstanding contribution this champion has made to the wonderful game called rugby league. S FOR SIMPLE The new way of coaching. Nothing too difficult. Run, kick, pass, tackle. It is not that difficult a game. All you need is a heap of ability, courage, fitness, and a good sort on your arm. T FOR TITILLATING I just like the word. U FOR UNDERWEAR Can someone please explain to me what has happened to the good old-fashioned jockstrap! The last person to wear one was Hadley in the 1973 under-20s fifth grade play-off. My mail is that he still wears them on special occasions. V FOR VICKS I still see players lathering it on their chests or under their noses. A word of warning, do not rub it on before going to the toilet for a nervous one just before kick-off. It burns like hell. W FOR WAXING Most first-graders wax. It helps when ripping off strapping. In my day we used strapping so we could pull it off without even a whimper. X FOR XCELLENT That is exactly what this column is - Xcellent. Y FOR YILEEN Or Buddy Gordon to his friends. How good did he go for the Indigenous team? Z FOR ZERO The points all teams are on. I predict that after round one, eight teams will still be on zero. It's a gift.