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True Emergency Room Visits

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by PJ, Oct 9, 2006.

  1. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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    True Emergency Room Visits

    INNER SKELETON:

    A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil,
    suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch
    long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had
    become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

    FEMALE SOFA

    A 500lb. (227Kg, or 35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in
    a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
    her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
    control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

    PRICKLY PAIR.... OUCH!

    In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He
    complained that his wife had "... a rat in her privates..." and it had
    bitten him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I
    don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
    she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

    PING PONG ANYONE?

    A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He
    said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with a concrete mix,
    then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using
    a funnel (as you do?!!). The concrete then hardened (no ****!), causing
    constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia a perfect concrete cast
    of the man's rectum was removed along with it a ping pong ball.
    BLIND DRUNK

    A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain
    while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come
    out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
    using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined
    him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all.
    He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Kinda makes
    you wonder about the nurse too!)

    OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!

    A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in
    bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hand on his abdomen and the
    woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors
    that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner.Overcome with
    passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the
    man.
    While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp
    down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and
    desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until
    she let go.
     
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  3. Normie

    Normie Well-Known Member

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    The "things" you see when working in Accident & Emergency is quite mind boggling. It makes for great disscussion on your lunch break with fellow nurses......
     
  4. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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    yeah some of the stuff my sister tells me has my jaw on the floor....you would have fun at work around full moon too I'm guessing?
     
  5. Normie

    Normie Well-Known Member

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    You certainly know when there is a full moon - the loons come out to play....
     
  6. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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    same at my work....I was told before I started and thought it was a load of ****e but you can set your clock to it that on or around full moon the fruit cakes come out to play!
     
  7. Ryan

    Ryan Well-Known Member

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    Stuck in the vulva...LoL
     
  8. earl

    earl Active Member

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    Screw your full moons. Im waiting for the Blue moon. Thats when i get lucky.hehehe
     
  9. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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  10. Nutzcraw

    Nutzcraw Active Member

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    hahah how funny is that... he stabbed his missus in the head with a fork so she'd let go... :lol:
     
  11. earl

    earl Active Member

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    Well , this didnt make it to the emergency room but,

    A certain lady who shall reamin nameless was looking thru a Cleo mag and there was a section on how to please your man. One idea was to perform oral on him while he was asleep and he will wake up half way thru and love you for it.
    One question lads,what do you do when you wake up at midnight and feel something on your old fella. Well , i started swinging mad. She ended up with a black eye and wouldnt talk to me all weekend.
     
  12. Nutzcraw

    Nutzcraw Active Member

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    I'm starting to think dan should start up a new website with just Earl's stories on them :lol:

    That's a crack up

    "she shall remain nameless" then "i started swinging mad"

    hahahahaha... that's funny ****.

    That would have been a long weekend... i wonder whether she's tried that again.. she probably has nightmares about that.
     
  13. earl

    earl Active Member

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  14. earl

    earl Active Member

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    ohh and dont worry,
    Im sure theres been a few stories that have gone the way of "A mate of mine" that hadnt actually involved a mate. :lol:
     
  15. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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    ha...yep- I hear ya!
     
  16. clontaago

    clontaago Well-Known Member

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    The Kernel wasnt me, that was "a mate of mine"
     
  17. PJ

    PJ Well-Known Member

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    he he he
     

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