Friday's joke

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Kevin Rudd called Julia Gillard into his office one day and said,

'Julia,I have a great idea!  We are going to go all out to win the country voters.'

'Good idea Leader, how will we go about it?' said Julia.

'Well,' said Rudd, 'we'll get ourselves one of those Driza Bone coats,

some RM Williams boots, a stick and an Akubra hat.

Oh, and a blue cattle dog. Then we'll really look the part.

We'll go to a typical old outback country pub, we'll show we really enjoy the bush.'

'Right.' Said Julia.

Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite blue heeler, they set off from Canberra in a westerly direction.

Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub.

They walked in with the dog and up to the bar.

'G'day mate,' said Rudd to the bartender, 'two middies of your best beer.'

'Good afternoon Leader,' said the bartender, 'two middies of our best coming up.'

Gillard and Rudd stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again

to whoever came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.

All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stockwhip.

He walked up to the cattle dog, lifted its tail with the whip and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.

A few moments later, in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked up to the dog and lifted its tail,looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five stockmen came in and lifted the dogs tail and went away looking puzzled.

Eventually, Rudd and Gillard could stand it no longer and called the barman over.

'Tell me,' said Rudd, 'why did all those old stockmen come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?'


'Strewth no!' said the barman.



'Someone told 'em there was a cattle dog in the bar with two arseholes!'
 
Canteen Worker link said:
You didn't tell me that Peter Costello and John Howard were in the same pub, drinking with them as well?  :) :) :)

I was waiting for that. 

I thought that you might also hvae said that you preferred the original version with John Howard, Peter Costello and the dog better.  ;D
 
The Photo on the Night Stand


After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of  another man on her nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry.. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.

'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

'That's me before my surgery.'
 
ssar link said:
Q: What do you get when you cross The Atlantic with The Titanic?


A: About halfway.

I like that one
 
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE                                           

What is a Yankee?                                                       
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.                       
                                                                           
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?                   
The position of the dirt bag.                                           
                                                                           
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room   
together?                                                               
100 people who don't do dick.                                           
                               
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?                   
20 kgs.                                                                 
                                                                           
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?                 
45 minutes.                                                             
                                                                           
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?                               
Through his chest with a sharp knife.                                   
                                                                           
Why do men want to marry virgins?                                       
They can't stand criticism.                                             
                                                                           
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and 
good-looking?                                                           
Because those men already have boyfriends.                             
                                                                           
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?             
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.                     
                                                                           
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?         
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of     
driving.                                                               
                                                                           
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?                                     
Pepper spray will do that to you ..                                     
                                                                           
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?                       
Breasts don't have eyes.                                               
                                                                           
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?                                   
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                                 
                                                                         
 
tookey link said:
Kevin Rudd called Julia Gillard into his office one day and said,

'Julia,I have a great idea!  We are going to go all out to win the country voters.'

'Good idea Leader, how will we go about it?' said Julia.

'Well,' said Rudd, 'we'll get ourselves one of those Driza Bone coats,

some RM Williams boots, a stick and an Akubra hat.

Oh, and a blue cattle dog. Then we'll really look the part.

We'll go to a typical old outback country pub, we'll show we really enjoy the bush.'

'Right.' Said Julia.

Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite blue heeler, they set off from Canberra in a westerly direction.

Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub.

They walked in with the dog and up to the bar.

'G'day mate,' said Rudd to the bartender, 'two middies of your best beer.'

'Good afternoon Leader,' said the bartender, 'two middies of our best coming up.'

Gillard and Rudd stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again

to whoever came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.

All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stockwhip.

He walked up to the cattle dog, lifted its tail with the whip and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.

A few moments later, in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked up to the dog and lifted its tail,looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five stockmen came in and lifted the dogs tail and went away looking puzzled.

Eventually, Rudd and Gillard could stand it no longer and called the barman over.

'Tell me,' said Rudd, 'why did all those old stockmen come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?'


'Strewth no!' said the barman.



'Someone told 'em there was a cattle dog in the bar with two arseholes!'

good one
 
ssar link said:
The Photo on the Night Stand


After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of  another man on her nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry.. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.

'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

'That's me before my surgery.'

Gold lol
 
Team P W L PD Pts
3 3 0 48 6
4 3 1 28 6
3 2 1 10 6
4 2 2 39 4
3 2 1 28 4
3 2 1 15 4
3 2 1 14 4
2 1 1 13 4
2 1 1 6 4
3 2 1 -3 4
3 1 2 0 2
3 1 2 -5 2
3 1 2 -15 2
3 1 2 -22 2
3 1 2 -36 2
2 0 2 -56 2
3 0 3 -64 0
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