Friday Funny

[PJ]

A husband and wife were in the airport carpark with a bag of animals they wanted to sneak out of the country.
The husband grabbed a python out of the bag wrapped it around his waist, put a jumper on over the top and said to his wife,
“This is what I’m going to take.”
After reaching into the bag and pulling out a skunk he said to his wife,
“This is what you’re taking, you can put it in your panties.”
His wife responded, “What about the smell? “
To which he replied, “If it dies, it dies.”

 

[Volley]

Haha, greatness personified. Heard it before, but it's still bloody impressive.

 

[PJ]

Considering it's Thursday I don't know why I called it a Friday Funny- must be all this Orford excitement...

 

[clontaago]

A different version ends with "Hold it's nose"

A guy with a black eye boards a plane. He notices the guy next to him also has a black eye. He says "What a coincidence, we both have black eyes, how did you get yours?"

The other guy says "Actually it just happened, a bit of a tongue twister, I went to check in and there was a gorgeous blonde with a huge rack behind the counter. Instead of saying I'd like 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, I said I like 2 tickets to Titsburgh" and she socked me one.

The first guy replies "thats unbelievable, mine was a tongue twister too. I was having breakfast with my wife this morning and I tried to say 'Please pour me a bowl of cornflakes honey, but I accidently said, 'You ruined my life you evil fat slag"

 

[PJ]

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it, and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to
the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female,
"Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him so he asked her what was wrong.
"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."