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For the golfers out there

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by Chip and Chase, May 15, 2012.

  1. Chip and Chase

    Chip and Chase True Supporter Staff Member Administrator Premium Member 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    I have written a book and am quite proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I'm asking friends and family to spread the news about this essential read. This book on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my 40+ years of experience.

    Highlights include:

    Chapter 1) How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

    Chapter 2) How to Hit a Maxfli ball from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee

    Chapter 3) How to Get More Distance off the Shank

    Chapter 4) When to Give the Curator the Finger

    Chapter 5) Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m

    Chapter 6) How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

    Chapter 7) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee

    Chapter 8) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee

    Chapter 9) When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

    The book also includes some GOLF TERMINOLOGY

    Ø A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

    Ø A Diego Mara donna - a nasty 5 footer

    Ø A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

    Ø A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

    Ø A Cuban - needs one more revolution

    Ø An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim

    Ø An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker

    Ø A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand

    Ø A Kate Moss - bit thin

    Ø A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional

    Ø A Rodney King - over- clubbed

    Ø An O. J. Simpson - got away with it

    Ø A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver

    Ø A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver

    Ø A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems

    Ø An elephant's arse - high and ****ty

    Ø A condom - safe but didn't feel real good

    Ø A sister-in-law - up there but I know I shouldn't be

    I have copies in stock but I anticipate a rush so be quick and ensure you don't miss out!

    Please pass this information to anyone who you feel may benefit from my expertise.....
    [hr]

    I should clarify that this is not my handywork, I was sent this via email today. Classic stuff, love the Princess Di, been there done that many a time .
     
  2. clontaago

    clontaago Well-Known Member

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  3. Utility Player

    Utility Player Well-Known Member

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    Lismore
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  4. ManlyBacker

    ManlyBacker Winging it Staff Member

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    A Bob Brown - irritating green where dumbasses yell "Get in the hole!"
     
  5. globaleagle

    globaleagle Où est mon chapeau Premium Member 2016 Tipping Competitor

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    Damn funny. Love the chapter titles.

    More laughs than the cooper cronk website.. (ie > 1)
     
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