1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Cricket jokes

Discussion in 'General Discussion Forum' started by tookey, Jan 10, 2011.

  1. tookey

    tookey Well-Known Member 2016 Tipping Competitor

    5,747
    1,507
    Ratings:
    +4,241 / 131
    WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
    A laughing stock.

    What do you call a world class Australian cricketer?
    Retired!

    The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
    They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

    What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
    A funeral director doesn't keep losing the Ashes.

    Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day?
    Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky Ponting: "You lads can bat.''
    Just as quick, Ponting replied: "No, we can't. We really can't."

    What do you call an Australian cricketer with a champagne bottle in his hand?
    A waiter.

    What's the height of optimism?
    An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

    What is the main function of the Australia coach?
    To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

    On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife, and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the middle.
    His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!"

    What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
    Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

    Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
    The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

    What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
    Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

    What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
    The entire Australian innings.

    What's the Australian version of LBW?
    Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

    Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
    Because he can get out without even trying.

    What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
    A bat.

    What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
    A vacant lot.

    What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
    They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

    What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?
    At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.
     
  2. Berkeley_Eagle

    Berkeley_Eagle Current Status: 24/7 Manly Fan 2016 Tipping Competitor

    15,995
    1,849
    Ratings:
    +2,115 / 14
    What's the difference between the Australian Cricket team and Cinderella?
    Cinderella knows when to leave a ball


    Why can't Aussies open bottles?
    Because they don't have any openers.

    What do you call an Australian with a bottle of champagne in his hand?
    A waiter.
     
  3. tractorboy

    tractorboy Member

    344
    2
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0
    OH THESE ARE BRILLANT, I just hope i managed to aviod using these next time i get drunk. Nearly got dumped last time, lol.
     
  4. Fluffy

    Fluffy Well-Known Member

    17,768
    1,417
    Ratings:
    +3,624 / 132
    They are the same ones we have used for the last 20 odd years but with Australia instead of England
     
  5. tractorboy

    tractorboy Member

    344
    2
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0
    I know, but these are funny :D, they would have to be English, we come up with everything. ;D. Notice there isn't an Aussie song sheet.
     
  6. Fluffy

    Fluffy Well-Known Member

    17,768
    1,417
    Ratings:
    +3,624 / 132
    No need, we have the ability to learn and remeber things.
     
  7. Chip and Chase

    Chip and Chase True Supporter Staff Member Administrator Premium Member 2016 Tipping Competitor

    12,810
    3,170
    Ratings:
    +6,282 / 44
    The time you poms spent learning songs as a kid we spent playing sport. Let us know when they have a World Cup of Lame Singing at Sporting Events and we'll make an effort.
     
  8. Canteen Worker

    Canteen Worker Well-Known Member 2016 Tipping Competitor

    13,234
    186
    Ratings:
    +212 / 5
    What do you call an Aussie who can handle a bat? A vet!!!
     
  9. Matabele

    Matabele Well-Known Member

    23,047
    447
    Ratings:
    +466 / 6
    The time you poms spent learning songs as a kid we spent playing sport. Let us know when they have a World Cup of Lame Singing at Sporting Events and we'll make an effort.
    [/quote]  The poms have song sheets for dull soccer games, particularly when relegation Liverpool are being endlessly beaten.
     
  10. SeaEagleRock8

    SeaEagleRock8 Sea Eagle Lach Staff Member Premium Member 2016 Tipping Competitor

    12,593
    3,521
    Ratings:
    +6,792 / 122
    Who needs song sheets when there is itunes? I am currently engaged in an infatuation with itunes, every old song that I have loved over the years I just find & download, I can get about 5 for what I used to spend on a packet of smokes. With a decent speaker system suddenly I've got a home jukebox.
    Probably wouldn't be doing this if the cricket had grabbed my attention... but maybe it's for the best. There is a time and a season for everything. actually there is a song about that..
     

Share This Page