Funny stories and amusing anecdotes

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I've told this yarn on here before, one of my favorite memories of the great Cliff Lyons...

This was a Friday night game, and with my mates we'd started drinking at Seagulls footy club ($2 schooners FTW!!) then caught the free bus to Coollongatta to hit the much vaunted Hill Street Night Club..

Manly were playing Newcastle (I believe: many, many beers were consumed!) and it was an absolute arm wrestle, with scores locked at something like 2-2 or 4-4 I can't honestly remember!!

The game was brutal, defenses just rock solid and no team really looked liked getting on top....

And then with a few minutes left in the game, one C Lyons decided that he'd had enough.

He's cut back to the short side and sliced through the tiring defensive line, finding just enough room to scamper in behind the center and winger, before straightening up about 20 yards from home... Cover defense is scrambling across as Cliffy props, jinks in and away and throws a dummy: to the LINESMAN!! It was so perfect that literally NOBODY knew what happened.

The fullback clean missed Cliffy in a despairing dive at the sideline, the touch judge himself was so taken that he dropped his flag expecting the pill on his chest and his moment of glory, the camera crews and director....well they had no idea what happened...

Eventually they worked out that a try had been scored, and searched desperately for the magical man that had fooled them all...

All they caught was a glimpse of Cliff, strolling up the tunnel with a lit Winnie Blue, off to an early shower with his job done, as Manly took a famous victory...

:)
 
The week before the grand final in 87 Cliffy was playing Touch footy with us in a mid week comp. None of us should have played on this field , a plough or something had ripped it up and it was just a big collection of clods of earth instead of a field. A risky proposition but for the Manly champion just another chance to play a game of sport!! The year he did his knee in he came down to watch us get flogged in the GF on a wet day with his braced up knee , almost no spectators and he is offering me HIS umbrella when I am off for a break. Has any player in the game set up more tries than Cliff , a skill to be born with not taught it seems
 
I liked the story about Wayne Bennett from a few years ago now. The Broncs were enjoying a pretty good lead in a game and Tallis was at his raging bull best until he received a pretty good head knock. He came from the field looking cross eyed and rubbery. It was downhill then for the Broncs and their lead was quickly diminishing.

Bennett radioed down to the trainer to get an update on Tallis, and the trainer told him the bad news. "He's still in Disneyland. He doesn't even know who he is", the trainer informed Bennett.

Wayne, in his dry, laconic style replied, "Well, tell him he's Wally Lewis and get him back out there".
 
Some recent events have reminded me of another incident I was lucky enough to witness.

It was in the mid 70's during an u/23 game at Brookie. It was an early season game played in hot and sticky conditions and at that time only two replacements (not interchange) were allowed.

On the field, one of Manlys props (MA) was struggling in his first game of the season. MA always carried a bit of "condition" but a leg injury had stopped him doing any pre-season training and he was well short of a run. MA was a tough sort, and would never give up, he kept plodding. He was no longer just missing tackles, he was hardly making it into the defensive line, but he kept going.

Back behind the reserves cage, a numbnut had been keeping up a relentless barrage of abuse at MA along the lines of useless, fat, hopeless bludger get off, hook him etc etc.

During a stoppage the coach Ray Ritchie who was sitting two rows in front of the numbnut sent a message out to MA to give him 5 mins more.

The game restarted, and MA taking advantage of being near the play took the first hit up, and promptly dropped the ball..

Numbnut) "hey Ray, tell that useless fat bastard to give the game away, he's a disgrace to the jersey!"

Ray) Turned around and smiled, and in a conversational tone said "I've a better idea, you stay there, he'll be here in a minute and you can tell him yourself"

The last we saw of numbnut was his arse disappearing around the concourse.
 
As per @Woodsie 's instructions...

Playing in one of my last games of footy, Gold Coast Grp 18 comp for Seagulls against Nerang or Runaway Bay: one of the teams that had massive Kiwi props anyway lol.. We'd had an ordinary season, and in this particular game were holding on by our finger nails in a wet horrible contest. It was an absolute game of attrition with players hurt everywhere but gutting it out..

It was also a messy game with a lot of dropped ball, and as a result, a lot of scrums... After packing into what felt like the thousandth bloody scrum, we've lost it against the feed and they've made one play and dropped it, with both forward packs ambling across the field muttering about the backs and their sh*thouse handling... When a winger named "Eddie the Eagle" chimed in...

"COME ON FORWARDS, WORK HARDER YOU LAZY BASTARDS"!!!

This was pretty late in the first half, we are all covered in mud and blood and crap, exhausted from slugging it out in horrible conditions and old mate Eddie is pristine: just a bit damp from from prancing up and down the sideline... Obviously we are a little dark about his "work harder" suggestion so we pack into the scrum and as we clash I grab my opposite number (about 130kgs of annoyed kiwi) and tell him "3rd ruck and that goose will be off my left shoulder"... The big kiwi blinks...and grins a horrible nasty grin...

So we win the scrum, and I've screamed out "me, 3", and then "Eagle, left hip"!! As I was known to pop the odd good ball out Eagle has then lined himself up as I've taken the hit up, carefully putting the big kiwi just inside...

I've hit the line, half broken it and popped a little gem of a ball on Eagle's chest, and in his mind he's off and running... Except 130kgs of kiwi "read" it beautifully and just nailed him. To this day I don't think he's recovered from that hit, it was a bone rattler of EPIC proportions... Old mate Eagle spent a few minutes twitching on the ground before wobbling off to the wing and quietly staggering up and down the wing for the rest of the game..

The big kiwi...wel he looked at me, winked, grinned a little and bought me a beer after the game...
 
Some awesome stories on here. A great read.

My favourite footy memories are of the late seventies and eighties, sitting on the hill with my brothers and my dad.
Dad was always highly entertaining with his comments. He'd yell out things and get the crowd laughing. Some of his regulars were: What about the 5 you burglar! and, Go to OPSM! He was 100% one-eyed, always the first to start the 'OFF!' chant when he thought a Manly player had been hit illegally.
He's a Manly legend in my books.
 
More of a memory of brookie. Not that interesting.Think I've told this on here before. When I was a little dude(i think 7 or 8) in the 80s went to brookie on a Sunday arvo with a mate and his parents. Sitting in the north-western area eating my meat pie, oblivious to what was happening on field, a huge brown football dropped right in front of me and the pie went flying!!
I have that image of how big that brown footy looked printed in my mind all these years later. Let's say I started paying more attention to the match after that!!
 
Some awesome stories on here. A great read.

My favourite footy memories are of the late seventies and eighties, sitting on the hill with my brothers and my dad.
Dad was always highly entertaining with his comments. He'd yell out things and get the crowd laughing. Some of his regulars were: What about the 5 you burglar! and, Go to OPSM! He was 100% one-eyed, always the first to start the 'OFF!' chant when he thought a Manly player had been hit illegally.
He's a Manly legend in my books.
Hah sounds EXACTLY like my old man...

I remember at a SOO game at Lang Park in the 80's when NSW won right on the bell, and about 9 of us (I was about 10, everyone else was 50's-70's or so) and this great character called Wakka jumps up in the ensuing silence and screams "GET THAT UP YA YOU C*NTS"!!!

It rained XXXX cans for about 5 minutes... Most of them full, and not all beer lol ;)
 
Best come back evar.

It was in the late 70's or early 80's and touch football was starting to grow. A mate of my brother in Muscelbrook was starting a comp up and asked him if he wanted to put a team together from the beaches to come up and play the locals in an exhibition game. (read; an excuse for a weekend pissup)

I was a typical young show pony full of myself and eager to go. On the way up in the bus my brother pointed out this old bloke (in his 40's) and said "that's Harry, best dummy half in the game" told me I would be smart to learn from him.

But being a goose I thought it would be more fun to tease the old bugger in the warm up.,

Me) So Harry, show me this dummy half style that has made you a legend.

Harry) Son, at my age I only have so many bends of the back left, and I'm not going to waste one on a smart arse like you.

Suffice to say, I shut up and accepted my first of many lessons from Harry.
 
Remembering another story tonight, after watching some classic games today and reminiscing a little...

Bilambil Jets A Grade captain/coach Freddy Teasdale, back in 1993 I think, playing against the old foe the Cudgen Hornets... And Freddy gets in a stink...

Now he could talk the talk, but when it came to trading blows, he was just a little bit outclassed in this instance...

So the crowd has gone kind of quiet, as Freddy is getting pasted, and Barbara Eadie screams out "FOR GODS SAKE SOMEBODY HELP HIM"...

The crowd, the players and even the referees broke up into laughter, and out of pity old mate stopped pounding in poor Freddy... To rub salt into the wound, Cudgen got the penalty and Freddy needed a cleanup and some ice packs...

To this day he maintains he was just "getting his timing" and ready to start belting him... But I was there lol :D

Good times :)
 
Remembering another story tonight, after watching some classic games today and reminiscing a little...

Bilambil Jets A Grade captain/coach Freddy Teasdale, back in 1993 I think, playing against the old foe the Cudgen Hornets... And Freddy gets in a stink...

Now he could talk the talk, but when it came to trading blows, he was just a little bit outclassed in this instance...

So the crowd has gone kind of quiet, as Freddy is getting pasted, and Barbara Eadie screams out "FOR GODS SAKE SOMEBODY HELP HIM"...

The crowd, the players and even the referees broke up into laughter, and out of pity old mate stopped pounding in poor Freddy... To rub salt into the wound, Cudgen got the penalty and Freddy needed a cleanup and some ice packs...

To this day he maintains he was just "getting his timing" and ready to start belting him... But I was there lol :D

Good times :)

A good old Frenches Forest boy Freddy. Why did he ever go to Norths!
 
Bit of a long story but I didnt expect the way this ordinary trip to the footy would pan out.

I made the annual brookvale trip in 2012 with my Scottish mate (mad eagles fan) and my brother (just as bonkers). We came down to see Manly play the Bulldogs Round 20, Des first game back at brookvale.

The arvo started well, we stood on the hill with one of the security guards during the first games having a good yarn and it came up that he was the bouncer at a club the night prior (can't recall the name) where he was flicked a few hundred to take care of Tony Williams and his crew as they well and truly got on the sauce (the Thursday night before a game).

Anyhow, thinking we'd been given a bit of a scoop I couldn't be happier. Not every day you just go to the footy and get a bit of juicy info like that. Then, some tall lanky fella wanders up the hill to the signs we were standing under having noticed we were quite friendly with the security guard and he asked if we wouldn't mind being cover for him while he had a sneaky cigarette. We obliged.

We got to talking about his jersey he was wearing, signed by every single player in the current squad and some prior to that. I mentioned to him that i had bought an infants jersey for my 3 month old son and had it on me on the off chance I might sneak a signature or two if im lucky. Thats when he wandered off down the hill to talk to a lady and came walking back up, only to inform us he was in fact the partner of Keiran Foran's mum and she would give them a call and get the jersey signed for us.

Anyhow, the game ended (we lost thanks to the epic bender crew's main man) and despite numerous attempts, neither Keiran's mum or his girlfriend (bec) who was also there could get a hold of him or Liam. So she took us around the back of the sheds. On the walk there we ran straight into Hugh Jackman who'd been at the game watching. My Scottish mate had just about drunk an entire hill worth of beer (as only scotts do) and was absolutely beside himself. A right mess so much so that he shook his hand and referred to him not as Hugh but as Wolverine.

With the help of foz mum and a staff official we made our way into the sheds unannounced. Kieran came to see his mum and gave her one of the all time sprays for bring us in. The way he spoke to her was quite upsetting to be honest but apparently such is the class of the man.

Sitting in the main section as we wait for players to exit and perhaps sign the jersey, into our sheds stroll Des Hasler and Todd Greenburg, both with crown lagers in hand and the smuggest of looks on their face. Thinking i could seize the opportunity to get a dual premiership winning coach to sign my 3 month old son's jersey i stood up and said Des would you mind... and that is the exact moment i was met with a flat hand up to my face, he didn't even look me in the eye as he said "go away".

Shocked by what just happened, i turned around to walk away (no point in making a scene) and noticed the last portion of my mate's dreadlock beanie disappearing into the second section of the dressing sheds where the showers were. At this point in time he's got no clue whats going on. Its auto pilot mode as he's had more alcohol than a human should be able to survive and hes just met Hugh Jackman.

Anyway, the end of the night was having to leave the dressing sheds earlier than anticipated after being questioned on how my mate managed to walk through the running showers shaking hands with players in order to tell them how he had just met wolverine and flown 5 million miles (he lives in brisbane...) just to meet cherry.

Apparently a soaking wet Matt Ballin is a sight to behold
 
Bit of a long story but I didnt expect the way this ordinary trip to the footy would pan out.

I made the annual brookvale trip in 2012 with my Scottish mate (mad eagles fan) and my brother (just as bonkers). We came down to see Manly play the Bulldogs Round 20, Des first game back at brookvale.

The arvo started well, we stood on the hill with one of the security guards during the first games having a good yarn and it came up that he was the bouncer at a club the night prior (can't recall the name) where he was flicked a few hundred to take care of Tony Williams and his crew as they well and truly got on the sauce (the Thursday night before a game).

Anyhow, thinking we'd been given a bit of a scoop I couldn't be happier. Not every day you just go to the footy and get a bit of juicy info like that. Then, some tall lanky fella wanders up the hill to the signs we were standing under having noticed we were quite friendly with the security guard and he asked if we wouldn't mind being cover for him while he had a sneaky cigarette. We obliged.

We got to talking about his jersey he was wearing, signed by every single player in the current squad and some prior to that. I mentioned to him that i had bought an infants jersey for my 3 month old son and had it on me on the off chance I might sneak a signature or two if im lucky. Thats when he wandered off down the hill to talk to a lady and came walking back up, only to inform us he was in fact the partner of Keiran Foran's mum and she would give them a call and get the jersey signed for us.

Anyhow, the game ended (we lost thanks to the epic bender crew's main man) and despite numerous attempts, neither Keiran's mum or his girlfriend (bec) who was also there could get a hold of him or Liam. So she took us around the back of the sheds. On the walk there we ran straight into Hugh Jackman who'd been at the game watching. My Scottish mate had just about drunk an entire hill worth of beer (as only scotts do) and was absolutely beside himself. A right mess so much so that he shook his hand and referred to him not as Hugh but as Wolverine.

With the help of foz mum and a staff official we made our way into the sheds unannounced. Kieran came to see his mum and gave her one of the all time sprays for bring us in. The way he spoke to her was quite upsetting to be honest but apparently such is the class of the man.

Sitting in the main section as we wait for players to exit and perhaps sign the jersey, into our sheds stroll Des Hasler and Todd Greenburg, both with crown lagers in hand and the smuggest of looks on their face. Thinking i could seize the opportunity to get a dual premiership winning coach to sign my 3 month old son's jersey i stood up and said Des would you mind... and that is the exact moment i was met with a flat hand up to my face, he didn't even look me in the eye as he said "go away".

Shocked by what just happened, i turned around to walk away (no point in making a scene) and noticed the last portion of my mate's dreadlock beanie disappearing into the second section of the dressing sheds where the showers were. At this point in time he's got no clue whats going on. Its auto pilot mode as he's had more alcohol than a human should be able to survive and hes just met Hugh Jackman.

Anyway, the end of the night was having to leave the dressing sheds earlier than anticipated after being questioned on how my mate managed to walk through the running showers shaking hands with players in order to tell them how he had just met wolverine and flown 5 million miles (he lives in brisbane...) just to meet cherry.

Apparently a soaking wet Matt Ballin is a sight to behold

You forgot the part where we met a manly fan with every single metallica album artwork tattooed on his back. And when the great geoff toovey himself shook our hands and searched for a good 5 minutes for a pen when we didnt have one so he could sign all of our jerseys and the little mates one. I still cant believe chris walked in to the showers. All you see is him disappearing and then a "hello!" coming from around the corner followed by a swift "what the ****?" Said by many different players. The best nights are never planned.
 
It is funny who look like a great guy but turn out to be a*holes. Gus is the exception he looks like what he is. A friend of mine organises a once a year charity do and get quite a few NRL personalities along. Gus was suppose to be the guest speaker but at last minute pulled out. But then again he had form.

So my friend asked Wayne Bennett to fill in (when he was coaching St George). Wayne talked to everyone, signed everything and answered all questions. ok he is the reverse of the first line.

Someone asked him does he think the players of today behave better or worse compared to 20/30 years ago. This gave Wayne an opportunity at his comedy routine.

When the Broncos had finished the season he meet up with all the players down at the pub. He was on water but everyone else was slowly getting smashed. Just before 5pm the manager pulled Wayne aside and said "Mr Bennett I going to have the ask you to leave" Wayne came back to the group and said they have to leave. The manager again pulled him aside "No Mr Bennett I'm going to have ask YOU to leave" "why just me?" "well Mr Bennett we are just about to start happy hour!".
 
I remember a game in the early 80's at Brookvale with Manly against Canterbury and a particular Canterbury player worked for me at the time. On the Friday before another senior manager (who is also a Manly supporter) and myself addressed him in a sales conference with the comment "We know you'll do the right thing on Sunday XYZ."

So on Sunday after about 5 minutes (could have been more) of the match he got sent off for a high tackle on Ronny Gibbs. Manly went on to win the game.

On Monday morning we called him into a private office and we were both seated and looking very stern, so he would have thought 'this is not good'. As he approached we both stood and smiled and my associate said "thanks, we knew you'd do the right thing, but did you have to take Ronnie out?"
 
Bit of a long story but I didnt expect the way this ordinary trip to the footy would pan out.

I made the annual brookvale trip in 2012 with my Scottish mate (mad eagles fan) and my brother (just as bonkers). We came down to see Manly play the Bulldogs Round 20, Des first game back at brookvale.

The arvo started well, we stood on the hill with one of the security guards during the first games having a good yarn and it came up that he was the bouncer at a club the night prior (can't recall the name) where he was flicked a few hundred to take care of Tony Williams and his crew as they well and truly got on the sauce (the Thursday night before a game).

Anyhow, thinking we'd been given a bit of a scoop I couldn't be happier. Not every day you just go to the footy and get a bit of juicy info like that. Then, some tall lanky fella wanders up the hill to the signs we were standing under having noticed we were quite friendly with the security guard and he asked if we wouldn't mind being cover for him while he had a sneaky cigarette. We obliged.

We got to talking about his jersey he was wearing, signed by every single player in the current squad and some prior to that. I mentioned to him that i had bought an infants jersey for my 3 month old son and had it on me on the off chance I might sneak a signature or two if im lucky. Thats when he wandered off down the hill to talk to a lady and came walking back up, only to inform us he was in fact the partner of Keiran Foran's mum and she would give them a call and get the jersey signed for us.

Anyhow, the game ended (we lost thanks to the epic bender crew's main man) and despite numerous attempts, neither Keiran's mum or his girlfriend (bec) who was also there could get a hold of him or Liam. So she took us around the back of the sheds. On the walk there we ran straight into Hugh Jackman who'd been at the game watching. My Scottish mate had just about drunk an entire hill worth of beer (as only scotts do) and was absolutely beside himself. A right mess so much so that he shook his hand and referred to him not as Hugh but as Wolverine.

With the help of foz mum and a staff official we made our way into the sheds unannounced. Kieran came to see his mum and gave her one of the all time sprays for bring us in. The way he spoke to her was quite upsetting to be honest but apparently such is the class of the man.

Sitting in the main section as we wait for players to exit and perhaps sign the jersey, into our sheds stroll Des Hasler and Todd Greenburg, both with crown lagers in hand and the smuggest of looks on their face. Thinking i could seize the opportunity to get a dual premiership winning coach to sign my 3 month old son's jersey i stood up and said Des would you mind... and that is the exact moment i was met with a flat hand up to my face, he didn't even look me in the eye as he said "go away".

Shocked by what just happened, i turned around to walk away (no point in making a scene) and noticed the last portion of my mate's dreadlock beanie disappearing into the second section of the dressing sheds where the showers were. At this point in time he's got no clue whats going on. Its auto pilot mode as he's had more alcohol than a human should be able to survive and hes just met Hugh Jackman.

Anyway, the end of the night was having to leave the dressing sheds earlier than anticipated after being questioned on how my mate managed to walk through the running showers shaking hands with players in order to tell them how he had just met wolverine and flown 5 million miles (he lives in brisbane...) just to meet cherry.

Apparently a soaking wet Matt Ballin is a sight to behold
Lol That was great Flip.
And I would certainly behold the sight of a soaking wet Matt Ballin.
 
Lol That was great Flip.
And I would certainly behold the sight of a soaking wet Matt Ballin.

Yeah it was one of those once in a lifetime nights nicci. That wasnt the end of weird things but nothing more football related.

My mate didnt get any photos of Matty in the buff im sorry, he was more concerned the entire team knew he met Wolverine but i did manage this one of Chez. Hopefully it will suffice. ;)
dalychez_converted.jpg
 

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